Hydrangeas and Callunas

Chapter 2: Trees

     I stood up and wiped the blood from my broken lip. It would be hard to explain this to the headmistress. Just as I was regaining my balance I felt another pair of hands shove me from behind and I stumbled forward, tripping and falling onto my hands and knees. I remained unmoving as I tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill from my eyes. My head pounded and every bit of laughter reverberated inside my skull. I couldn't take this anymore.

     After around two weeks of running in the forest and dodging wild animals I had finally found a small town. I walked into town and entered a small shop. The shopkeeper there was nice and gave me a change of clothes before introducing me to the headmistress of an orphanage not too far out of town. She took me in and that's where I've been living for the past three years.

     I thought that I would find a home at the orphanage, maybe find a family. But all I had found so far was a group of obnoxious kids that hated me because I was a little bit taller than normal and a headmistress who blamed me for the way others treated me.

     Today was like any other. I would find somewhere in the forest to sit hoping to stay hidden from the other kids until they were all asleep and I could sneak into a bed. Unfortunately, they had finally found my latest hiding spot and were in the process of having their fun with me. They would kick me and punch and yell names at me. "Your parents probably didn't even die they probably just got rid of you, you freak!" was their favourite insult to throw my way. I couldn't help but think that if they had seen what I saw they would've gone crazy.
    
     Who really knows though, maybe I am crazy?

     I waited on the ground until the others got bored and left, muttering about how "the least I could do was participate". When I was satisfied with the lack of footsteps near me I sat up and rubbed the sore spots on my arms and sides. I was glad I could finally be alone and I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

     "I...I'm sorry about them." The voice startled me and I jumped a little. Looking towards the source of the voice I was surprised when I met the gaze of one of the newer orphans. He had only been here for a few weeks. I jumped to my feet and backed away from him. He held his gaze with mine and it flashed through my mind that I hadn't seen eyes as blue as his before. He began to speak again "They're...they're just mad at a lot of things and..." he faltered, fiddling nervously with his long black hair.

     I stood up straight and he shrunk back. My eyebrows furrowed and I grit my teeth. Rage welled up inside me like the tears welling up in my eyes. "All of our lives are shitty, it doesn't give them the right to make someone else's life worse." I thought I would yell but it came out as more of a growl. I clenched my fists, waiting for the boys response. But it wasn't what I was expecting.

     "I know and I'm sorry. I'll try and tell them-" but I cut him off.

     "I don't need your help. I don't need anyone's help. I didn't even want to come to this stupid place anyway. I would've rather died out in the woods than have to suffer here for three years". I snapped at him and didn't quite mean to sound as harsh as I had, but that didn't mean I regretted it.

    We stared at each other for a while as silence engulfed us and we seemed to fight each other with our eyes. Then, I saw something behind his eyes break and he turned and walked back to the orphanage without a word.

     I stood there motionless, surprised at his lack of any parting acknowledgment. Without my control, I began to shake. My hands seemed to vibrate at high speeds and my stomach tried to climb it's way out of my throat. I fell to my knees and stared at my hands as my sight began to blur with tears. A pressure began building up inside my skull and I couldn't help but hope it would just burst now and make everything easier for me.

   I came to the revelation that I either had to be alone or not be here at all. I couldn't empathise with others after witnessing the brutal sight that was my parents's dead bodies. That boy was trying to help me, he was trying to make me feel better and he was trying to fix my problem. But what did I do? I snapped at him and I was rude to him and I drove him away.

     I couldn't shake the feeling that I would drive everyone away. I lost myself in my own thoughts. Dark spots clouded my vision and soon I was enveloped in darkness.

     I could feel myself choking but I felt like I was in an empty abyss. Everything was nothing and I couldn't feel myself. I was floating in nothing and my body was gone. But it wasn't too bad, and nobody missed me. Nobody would miss me.

     I woke up in a cold sweat and gasped for air. I was expecting to find nothing but I felt cool air fill my lungs. I looked around myself and was met with the sights and sounds of a forest at night. Did I fall asleep out here? Judging by the position of the moon it was around 3 in the morning. No one had come for me. I could be dead and no one would even know.

     I was filled with a sudden burst of anger and decided settling down wasn't my thing. I ran back to the orphanage. As I ran into the large building I was careless and slammed the doors open. I saw as lamps began to turn on but I was set on my path. I grabbed what little I owned from my second floor room and made my way back down the stairs.

     Children walked out of their rooms, holding candles and rubbing their sleep filled eyes. I simply pushed past them and out the front doors. As I walked away, I took a quick look back at what could've been a home. I caught a glimpse of the kids who had bullied me and who seemingly had no care for what happened to me. My mouth wriggled into a crooked smirk and I turned around, cupping my hands around my mouth and yelling "HAVE A NICE LIFE JERKS!" I let out a laugh and backed up a few steps before turning around and walking into the forest.

     I was happy to be alone and I was overjoyed to be back in the forest. My mind wandered to the young boy with the piercing blue eyes who had tried to help me. He'll be fine, I assured myself. I was happy to be gone from that place but I couldn't pretend that I didn't feel the tears making their way down my cheeks as I walked alone into the trees.