Hydrangeas and Callunas

Chapter 4: Sunset

     Almost ninety years into training and I still couldn't win against by mentor in hand to hand combat. At first, Durlan was almost a spitting image of his brother Onas. But I found out soon enough that the twenty years of experience Durlan had over Onas changed their personalities drastically.

     Onas was carefree and willing to try anything while Durlan was very wise and stuck to what he knew he could do. Luckily for him, he could fight very well.

     We had just finished our latest sparing session and I had lost once again. "Don't look so discouraged Ara, you're getting better. Soon you'll be surpassing me". Durlan tried to encourage me but I couldn't shake the feeling I would never be able to become as good of a monk as I should be.

     I tightened my ponytail of black hair and stretched out my hands, feeling the muscles and bones move inside of them. My fists were deadly weapons, I just wasn't sure I could use them as such. I didn't know if I could bring myself to bring pain to others.

     Durlan sighed and stretched upwards, his short blonde hair softly framing his features.

     "Can't we just spend today meditating? I'm off my game right now" I complained.

    Durlan looked at me with a quizzical look but nodded nonetheless. Together we walked a few minutes to a small grove of trees just outside of the monastery gardens. Durlan sat down crossing his legs and I joined him on the ground, taking my place to his right side.

     I placed my hands on my knees and inhaled deeply. I gazed at the morning sky for a few seconds before closing my eyes and focusing on the thoughts bothering my internal harmony. I could've been a great monk if I didn't let things get to me so easily. My right hand clenched on my knee as I fought the urge to slap my thoughts out of my head. No, I thought, I need to deal with this if I have any hopes of getting better.

     It was true I was off my game, I had been for over a week now. Nine or so days ago, the monastery had a new member. A younger elf who looked strangely familiar to me. It wasn't until he introduced himself to me that I recognised the piercing blue eyes that snuck their way into my dreams every so often. Ever since that day I haven't been able to practice fighting without memories of the orphanage resurfacing. It didn't help that I couldn't tell whether he recognised me or not.

     I inhaled again and remembered the night I left. How happy I felt, how great it felt to leave that place and all of the wonderful things that leaving had caused. After all, if I hadn't left the orphanage I never would've met Durlan and become so close to him. At this point in my life he was my family and he was everything I cared about.

     I let out a slow exhale and imagined myself expelling all of my negative feelings. As I did so, the neighbouring sounds of the forest invading my mind and I was filled with an inner calmness that I only felt in the forest or while playing the lute.

     Durlan and I stayed meditating for hours and when I finally felt his hand gently touch my shoulder to signal me to open my eyes, I was met with an afternoon sun.

     "We should go back. Supper will be served soon and you can't skip another meal." Durlan stood and offered me his hand. However, I wasn't in the mood to see anyone else right now.

     "It's alright Durlan, I'm going to stay here a little bit longer. Please don't feel the need to stay with me. I'll be alright". I gave him the smallest of smiles, and pleaded with my eyes for him to let me have this moment alone.

     I saw concern in his eyes but he let out an exasperated sigh before bowing his head in defeat. He mustered up a smile and bowed to me. I returned his bow with a tilt of my head and I watched as he walked back to the monastery.