FIGHT

Chapter 17

Holden's face goes a stark shade of white. I watch as pain fills his eyes, but I don't have any sympathy for him. My whole body is shaking and my heart aches just from looking at him.

I'm so dumbfounded that I'm not even sure what to think right now.

He rises off the couch, taking a few steps to come closer to me. I'm frozen in my spot, unable to make my feet move. When Holden reaches out to touch me, I finally find my voice again, hidden behind all the tears. "Stop."

Holden stops like I demand, his arms stagnant in the air. I know he wants to touch me, but I can't think straight when he touches me. I won't be able to focus with the feeling of his hands on my skin.

I see a tear fall down Holden's cheek but I pretend not to. It hurts me when he's hurt, but there's nothing I can do. What he hid from me hurt more than imaginable.

It's strange how life can be fine one minute and completely shattered the next.

The gears in Holden's head are turning as he tries to decide what to say to me. I can't imagine anything he could say that would make this situation more bearable. "I just need you to hear me out, Tatum. Please baby."

"Don't call me that, Holden." Pressure falls over my heart. I hate that I get butterflies whenever he calls me sweet names. I shouldn't be getting butterflies around him, especially right now. Things are not okay and I can't let him say things to make them seem like they are.

"Just hear me out."

My tears have long passed the point of controllable, but I'm able to nod my head. As hurt as I am, I owe it to myself to hear his explanation.

I walk around him, keeping my body as far away from his as I can. Holden's eyes follow my movement as I sit on the far end of the couch. Though I can't stop the tears, I'm thankfully able to manage my breathing. Being in the same room with him — feeling his presence — it's more painful than I ever expected.

I feel like everything I've learned about him in the last few weeks has been a lie. He's not at all who I thought he was.

It kills me that Luke was right.

Holden's eyes dart between the couch and the chair across from it. I don't know if it was the way I stormed in here or the expression on my face right now or the fact that he feels guilty now that he's been caught, but he's smart enough to move his body to the chair.

He sinks his body into the plush as I adjust myself on the large couch in front of him. There's no way for me to be comfortable, but I bring my knees up to my chest, hugging them to me. It helps me feel put together; keeping my body rolled into a ball makes me feel like I'm not breaking right in front of Holden.

I glance up at him, watching as he rubs the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. Both of us are crying, but I know it won't stop any time soon.

"I don't know where to start..." Holden's voice is only a whisper and I have a suspicion that I wasn't supposed to hear it.

"The beginning is always a good place." I have no control over my words and they leave my mouth in a broken state. My throat is hoarse from so much crying, but I choose to ignore it and push him into telling me everything.

"I was an angry person. I always have been."

I nod, not finding the strength to comment. Amelia's face flashes through my mind as she tells me what Holden was like as a child. I felt for the angry kid she described; I understood him. My brother and I were both mad, broken kids.