Why Is Dan Taylor Giving Up On Women?

Introducing Dan, and friends...

DAN: Hi, I’m Dan. I’m 29 and I live in London, and I work in market research. My speciality is in carbonated drinks and I look at what appeals to teenagers, women in the 16-to-29 demographic, that kind of thing. I guess you could say I’m like the Diet Coke Guy…

Well, I tried saying it once. It didn’t really catch on…

ROB, DAN’S BEST FRIEND: What can I tell you, we’ve been best buddies since the first days of university. As you can imagine, that means we’ve been through a lot together: all the experiences that mark that final shift from being a teenager to being an adult, the mistakes you make when you’re trying to figure out how you are. And since then, out in the real world, we’ve had proper grown-up problems with relationships and careers to get through, and we’ve gone through them all together.

So as you can imagine I have a HUGE amount of dirt on him.

Honestly, we could do a 90 minute blooper reel, just on his attempts to flirt with waitresses. Or get him to tell you about the day he tried to ask someone at his work out on an email, and accidentally sent it to the whole office.

Being turned down by 17 women in six minutes is still his personal best.

HANNAH, ROB’S WIFE: I actually met Dan for the first time at a university party, the same one where I got together with this fellow sitting next to me. Dan seemed lovely, although I assumed he was coming down with a fever or something, the way he seemed to keep going bright red and finding it tricky to breathe. It was months later, when I saw him in action at another party, that I realised that that was his ‘chat-up’ face.

Anyway, he’s a saint. Rob and I had this whirlwind romance and thought we were very mature and sophisticated, and were married by the end of the first term. I know… you look back on it and wonder what we were thinking -- we were children! Our poor parents.

But look at us still here, just about, ten years on. And that’s largely thanks to Dan. As you can imagine, the first couple of years while we were students got a little tough when reality kicked in, and we had to do a lot of growing up. Dan was always there for both of us, ready to listen, and mediate, and let Rob sleep on his floor on the regular occasions when I chucked him out of our flat.

He did so much for us that really I think it’s time we did something for him.

DAN: …There was one time I was compared to the Diet Coke Guy. But not THAT Diet Coke Guy. This was a fellah who we used to see a lot at the food court at the shopping centre, eating a KFC family bucket by himself. He was always drinking Diet Coke with it.

But I don’t think anyone ever really had any interest in seeing him with his shirt off.

DELPHINE, WORK COLLEAGUE: Hi. My name is Delphine, I’m from France and I work wiz Dan in Kensington. What can I say about him? He is such a sweetie. ‘E’s always helping me with my work, he makes me coffee, shares his chocolat.

But he’s more than just a good colleague. He is very good at listening to my problems. I ‘ave a difficult life. So many men are babies. My boyfriend in London is more interested in the soccer than in me sometimes, and my exes at ‘ome never seem to get the idea that it is over. Just because we ‘ook up sometimes when I am in Paris does not mean we have a future, but zey follow me like lost puppies.

Dan is very good at listening to zese problems and to tell me I deserve better. I think he is right.

NIGEL PEARSON, DAN’S BOSS: Dan was a kind, caring, hardworking man, a vital presence in the office, he had so much energy so much to give. He will be sorely missed after this terrible, tragic…

What? Do I think he’s ever going to find the right woman? You mean he’s not actually dead? OK, thank you. This interview’s over.

When you see him remind him he has a project due on my desk by tomorrow morning. And that he’ll need to make up the time spent on this at the weekend. Goodbye.