So... This is going to be a personal part. Probably more personal than most, because I haven't even told my friends... Although I know at least one of them will read this... So she'll find out.
Uh... So I'm single. I've been single for about two weeks, a tad bit longer. I hate it. I'm not sure how I feel exactly. It's like a drowning feeling. Everything reminds me of him, and it's not fair at all. But I wasn't happy in the relationship, I felt that things needed to be fixed, although maybe I was the one who needed fixing. I've been beating myself up ever since it ended, I'm not totally sure why... Something will happen in my day and I'll be like, "I can't wait to text him about this," but then I realize he pry wouldn't like that if I did. I've also realized that he unfriended me on Skype, which I don't understand because he kept me on Facebook. I haven't been eating or drinking right since we broke up, but I have been eating enough to stay healthy. I think. I dunno. I'm not sick yet, so that's gotta mean something. I feel like I lost my best friend. I didn't want to lose him from my life completely. I don't know what to do and I feel bad because I feel like I'm ruining my friends' last few weeks of school with my sadness, and that's not my intentions. I want to have an amazing last week of school myself, but I doubt it's going to happy. Sleeping sucks since it happened. Nightmares are a nightly thing now, which isn't fair. It also doesn't help that my main two go to for support people haven't been talking to me. One of which is barely taking my calls... And I don't want to bother my friends from school, not that it's all that easy to get a hold of one of them anyway, but the other is just so nice and sweet that I don't want to bother her with all this, she doesn't deserve it. I don't know why I'm rambling now. I don't even know why I wrote all this. I didn't really want anyone to know all this, but I thought maybe it'd help the sick feeling in my stomach go away. It pry won't, but then oh well. People know I'm secretly heart broken. I'm honestly surprised by how much better I'm getting at telling people I'm fine. It's kind of scary. But how can anyone be fine after losing someone they care so much about? I just have so many thoughts and feelings swirling around in my head, that it's impossible for me to type them all. No, we didn't have the perfect relationship. Yes, we fought sometimes, especially about stupid meaningless stuff. No, I wasn't happy in the end, but I felt we could fix it. Yes, I loved him more than I've loved anything else in my life. No, I can't get him out of my head. Yes, it hurts like hell. No, I'm not happy without him. Yes, I miss him so so much. No, I haven't stopped thinking about him. Yes, everything reminds me of him. No, I can't sleep without him entering a dream of mine. Yes, I do cry at night before falling asleep. No, I can't get the memories to stop. Yes, I have missed him to the point of falling asleep in his jacket. No, I don't know what to do. Yes, I hurt more than words can describe. No, I haven't messaged him since we broke up. Yes, I do feel empty without him. Yes, I do miss his touch. Yes, I do miss his hugs. Yes, I do miss his voice. Yes, I do miss watching movies with him. Yes, I do miss my horror movie buddy. Yes, I miss him. Yes, I am crying while writing this. No, I'm not okay.
