I sat awake all night in Nathans arms; he had fallen asleep incredibly quickly. His long warm breaths hit the back of my neck warming my whole body in the chilly night air. The sun was rising with the sky outside pink and orange scattered with white fluffy clouds. The entire night I had spent deliberating how I would announce my past to Nathan without him freaking out. It couldn't be done. I worded it differently each time in my head and each time it sounded worse and worse. Sucking in the brisk air I felt moment behind me. Nathan was stirring. With a snack of his tongue on his lips and a sleep yawn he awoke.
"Morning beautiful" he said squeezing me around the tummy where his hands lay. His tone was husky as a consequence of sleep. "How long have you been awake?"
"I haven't been to sleep"
"What’s wrong, what’s troubling you?" he said as I turned to face him in the pleasantly heated bed. His brown hair stuck up in all directions due to lack of jell, his fringed flopped into his eyes. I touched my nose to his my hands placed exactly on his stripped strapping chest. I took a profound breath of air before speech came to my lips.
"You know before you said if I wanted to talk to you about the thing I didn't want to talk about I could?" I said making sure I was ok with him.
"Yeah"
"I’m ready to speak about"
"Ok"
"About a year and a half ago I got into a relationship with a boy called brad. He’s two years older. It was really nice for the first couple of months he was sweet and lovely and charming. Everyone knew about us. He constantly told me he loved me and he would never let me go. At the time I thought it was cute and lovely that he said that about me, but not looking back on it" I hesitated.
"One night we were at his and we were...making out and he wanted me to-to go all the way with him. I was only 16 at the time and I wasn’t ready so I said no. he was angry at first but then said he wouldn't push me. A couple of days later he tried again and I said no, this time he slapped me. ".I gulped.”I went home crying. I never told anyone what had happened.
The next day brad phoned me saying he would never do it again and asking me to come around to his for him to say sorry. So I did. When I got there I forgave him and we started kissing but I stopped before it could go any further. He, once again got angry, this time he abused me. He hit me in places nobody would see. I went home and pretended nothing had happened, that everything was ok because I was embarrassed." tears had began to sting my eyes.
"It went on for a couple more months as it went on he started to...r-rape me. He only ever wanted me for sex. He said every boy was like that and no one would ever love me. I believed him. I tried to break it off but he wouldn’t take no as an answer.
One day he came round telling me he was leaving to go to Australia with his family for five years. I never saw him again; I thought that part of my life was over so I tried to forget about it. Covering up the bruised and cuts with makeup, not talking to anyone about it. That’s why at the party I did what I did. I thought if you just wanted me it would be better to get it over with. Last night at the party his text me, I panicked and when that boys came up and...It brought back the memories. Last night when I went to get the water brad was waiting for me when I came back" I said I was now crying. Nathan sat facing me his mouth dropped open, the water in his eyes magnifying them.
"I’m so proud that you told me that" he said hugging me. "He he hurt you, last night?" Nathan asked and I nodded. I showed him my waist that was slightly purple with bruised and lifted up my dress to reveal my hips that had purple hand marks on them. "I won’t let him hurt you again. I promise" he said and hugged me tighter. I felt safe in his arms. "I will never hurt you Chloe" his voice cracking in the middle.
