I Just Wanted A Pillow...

There's Nothing To Be Nervous About

The look in his eyes was nothing shy of shocked.  “P-pregnant?”

I nodded slowly but surely as I fought the tears back.  “I’m so sorry.”  After letting those words slip, I dropped my face in my hands and let out the first cry.  I promised myself I wouldn’t cry, but I couldn’t help it.  I didn’t expect him to look at me the way he did.  Shock was the only emotion I could register.  I didn’t want him to be mad or upset, but I know he is. 

I felt his fingers wrap around mine and he pulled my hands away from my face.  I lifted my eyes to meet his, “Why are you sorry, Jenny?” His voice was soft and it made me want to cry even more.

                “It shouldn’t have h-happened.”

He cupped my face between his hands, running his thumbs under my eyes to wipe my tears away.  “It takes two.  Don’t cry, please.”

His eyes searched mine as he stroked his thumbs across my cheek bones.  “Don’t cry.” He repeated his voice a meek whisper as his words cracked. 

I fell into his arms, resting my forehead on his chest as I cried even more.  Out of all the things that could have gone wrong, this was it. 

He wrapped his arms around me, squeezing me gently.  “We’ll get through this.” He said and left a kiss on the top of my head.  “It’s going to be okay, Jenny.” 

I had a hard time believing it was going to be okay.  It’s not what I wanted and it’s not what he wanted.  Well, I want kids just not now, not like this.  It shouldn’t have happened like this.  It was an accident.  And I was surprised Aaron’s as calm as he is.  He’ll probably wait until he’s alone to do the pacing, running his fingers roughly through his hair as he resists pulling it out and asking himself how he let this happen.  I know Aaron, and I know he’ll blame himself for all of this.

                I couldn’t let Aaron do that.

                I pulled back from him, running the sleeve of my hoodie under my eyes.  I drew in a shaky breath, exhaling slowly.  “I don’t think it is going to be okay.” I said, lifting my eyes to meet his again.

He just shook his head, “It will be okay.  I’m not going anywhere and I hope you don’t either.”

                “Everything is going to change.” I stated.

He slowly nodded his head, “I know.  But we’ll adapt to the change, we always do.”

There was a difference.  Adapting to life in New York was easy, but having a child is going to be a hard thing to adapt to.  “You want to keep the baby?” I asked.

He looked taken back by my question.  Almost like it was the stupidest question I could have asked.  “If you’re thinking about abortion, hell no—”

                “I’m talking about adoption.  It’s something we can consider.  There are a lot of couples that want a baby and they can’t.”

He took a deep breath and ran his hands over his face.  “When it comes closer to the time, we’ll talk more about it.”

How Aaron is reacting to all of this news right now was shocking.  I expected him to explode, tell me to leave and never talk to him.  Maybe he’s still in shock and that’s why he’s being so calm about everything.  “I have a doctor’s appointment in the morning, could you go with me?”

                “Of course.”  No hesitation.

My lips turned just a little into a small smile.  “Thank you.”