I Just Wanted A Pillow...

I Shouldn't Have Said Anything

“I guess this shouldn’t be surprising.” Aaron mumbled, nervously rubbing the back of his neck.

I wiped my tears away and looked up at him, “I had a little hope it was a mistake.”

                “You knew, Jenny.”

                It’s that specific reason why I want to curl into a ball and just cry.  It was because I was wrong.  It was because I was hoping the doctor made a mistake with my test that made it that much worse.  “I did, unfortunately.”

He let out a sigh and ran his fingers through his hair.  “We need to figure some things out.” He sat down on the couch with his face in his hands.

I sat down next to him, the nervous feeling fading.  “We can still consider adoption.”

He lifted his head from his hands and stared out in front of him.  “I don’t want that for our kid, J.”

I didn’t either, but we aren’t ready to be parents.  And I guess I should know, but I don’t want my child to grow up like this.  “I understand, believe me.  But we can at least consider it.  Can you honestly say you’re ready to raise a child?”

He turned his head to face me, “I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to raise a child.  I’m a child myself.  But I’m not giving up the baby.”

                I didn’t want to give up the baby, but I feel like I have to.  I’m still in school, I can’t raise a baby and Aaron can’t either.  The baby will be better off with a stable family that can give the baby the care and attention they’ll need.  “We have a few months to figure it out.” I said slowly and softly.  I was scared Aaron would jump down my throat if I mentioned adoption one more time.

                He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close.  I rested my head on his shoulder and he left a kiss on the side of my head.  “I’ll invite my mom over for dinner next week and you can invite Hayden and your parents.  We’ll just get it over with all at once.”

I agreed and snuggled closer to Aaron.  This all feels like a bad dream.

Monday’s appointment went okay.  I was almost one month pregnant and we couldn’t tell the sex just yet, that’s not for another four months.  I was instructed to take certain types of vitamins, eat certain types of foods and do certain types of exercises.  I left with a lot of pamphlets and free samples I probably won’t use.  But Aaron actually listened and was more aware than I was.  I kept zoning in and out.  I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and what’s going to happen.

                It was Tuesday night and I was sitting on the couch with a pint of ice-cream while Aaron’s nose was deep in a baby book.  “Who knew me getting pregnant would actually get you to read a book?” I teased.

He lifted his gaze from the book to meet mine.  He mocked me with a sarcastic laugh, “Be nice or I’ll take away your ice-cream.”

I sent him a glare and he looked back down at the book with a vicious smile.

                I sat my ice-cream on the coffee table and stood in front of Aaron.  He looked up from his book, his eyebrows rising in curiosity.  “What?”

I smirked and snatched the book from his hands.  “What the hell, Jenny—” I threw the book on the opposite side of the couch and made myself comfortable in his lap.  “You’ve been nose deep in those books for days; you have eight months, Aaron.”  I hooked an arm around his neck and rested my free hand on his chest.

His arms snaked around my waist and he pulled me closer.  “I just want to be prepared.”

I leaned in closer to him, just inches from his lips.  “It’s not happening today, so it won’t hurt to take a break.”