faded

25.0 - temporary

Something feels wrong when we finally get upstairs to the hotel. I had slept for some of the car ride here, but once we actually checked in I lost my exhaustion. I was way too wired, and paranoid to make matters worse, to close my eyes.

Harry had gone out with Amy as soon as we arrived to get food amongst other things. It was nearing 6am and as the sun began to creep through my window, the shakiness in my hands began to slowly go away.

A lot had happened in one night. The realization that he was not and is not the man I thought was startling. It's like everything I thought I knew was stolen from me and I could do nothing but wallow in my own desperation. I should have known. I should've. Why was I so willing to believe in someone when I had never been able to trust someone before? And all this time I thought I was the one at fault, I was the one who kept ruining things with the only man who loved me.

That realization hit me hard in that moment, nausea following.

Zayn never loved me, he used me. He used me for his own selfish gain just like every other man in my life.

The door clicked and opened, I quickly wiped my tears. Harry walked in with Amy and she immediately closed the door.

"Hey, we brought you some food and other stuff. Hope you're hungry," she smiled, putting a couple of bags full stuff on the bed. Amy looked at me expectantly.

I forced a smile back, reaching for it and letting myself actually smile at the contents.

A box of cigarettes, a lighter, hair dye, magazines, makeup, candy, movies, books.

It probably seemed like it was a really small gesture, but it meant so much to me. I had no idea why either. Perhaps it was because I was in desperate need for girly things like this. I'd be in this apartment all day while Amy went to work and Harry did work of his own.

"Thank you," I said, catching her satisfied smile before she turned her back to take the food out of the bag.

"It was no problem, it was Harry's idea."

I got up and out of bed, making my way towards the little table illuminated by the sun already. Harry was busy on his phone and being very quiet, which made me uneasy. Could something be wrong?

Amy seemed to pick up on his absence and gave him a weird look when he looked up.

"What?" He asked, clueless.

"Everything okay?" I asked, sitting across from him and picking at the hash brown on my plate.

He nodded. "Yeah. Just talked to someone who's gonna help me get an apartment out here immediately."

The atmosphere changed immediately.

"You're kidding," Amy said, her tone unpleased and surprised.

Harry seemed unfazed. "What do you want me to do? Leave her here 24/7? She can't be alone."

"I get that, but an apartment? You know Zayn will find you if your name is on any legal documentation."

I sighed and tried to tune out the conversation. More problems and more arguments, all because of me. What a surprise.

"Chill out, man, it's not under her name or mine."

She seemed relieved and calmed down. I felt bad for Amy. I wanted to understand her behavior but I couldn't. Since we made it to the hotel earlier today, she had been so watchful over me- she offered to stay in the room with me, gave me a copy of her own room key, and suggested that if I needed to talk, she was there.

Harry was a different story. It wasn't that he didn't look out for me, but he was so serious all the time, like he was afraid I'd ask more questions.

I just sat there.

It slowly began to make sense. Harry knew so much about Zayn. Everything he had told me made sense and was backed up with some sort of proof, whether it be pictures, messages, or that letter he showed me. It made sense.

"I'm just looking out for both of you, Harry."

He rolled his eyes. "I get it, but I'm not stupid. I'm not Liam."

His choice of words surprised me. "What do you mean?"

Harry cleared his throat and Amy shook her head frustratedly. "I mean I sent someone, one of Zayn's guys, over to search your house for any sign of Z. There Liam was, trying to get into your room knowing you are here with me."

My eyes widened. "He knows?"

Harry nodded.

"You didn't tell me that!" Amy fumes, "why would you tell him?"

"Because he's been trying to makeup for something he did. Won't tell me what, but I'll figure it out."

"Wow, that seems totally legit. You don't even trust him yourself."

Harry waved her off, taking a bite out of his bagel. "You're giving me a headache, honestly. I have things I can hold over Liam's head and that's enough to make him cooperate. I didn't have to remind him for him to reach out to me and tell me he's been trying to make things right."

Amy seemed to give up after that. She looked upset and was really quiet while we all ate. I didn't really understand too much about the plan, or know if there even was one, but a weight was lifted off my shoulders just because I was away from Zayn.

She ended up leaving after we ate, promising to come back after her work shift to help me dye my hair.

Harry was quiet and focused on the news playing on tv.

"Hey, Harry?" I bit my lip and closed the book I was trying to focus on.

He turned around and looked at me expectantly. "Hmm?"

"Why are you helping me?"

He seemed stunned at my question. I'm sure he knew I'd eventually ask, but it was killing me.

"Because I really liked you the way you were."