Sixteenth Summer

Looking Up

    How is it that I always ended up hurting others? How was it that I always got caught in the net of safety, but then was thrown back into the abyss?

    For the next few days, all I did was lay in bed and wrote. I wrote down all my feelings and then ended up scratching them out on paper. I was not deserving of all these emotions. I wrote until I felt empty and hollow. My mother would come by to drop off my food, but I would not eat any at all. I couldn't hold anything down ever since that day.

    My grandma would try to persuade me to come out of my room and do anything, but I would never go out. I had a stack of books near the foot of my bed, but I couldn't even look at them. They brought too many memories, both from my grandpa and Ash.

    However, as much as I would have wanted to stay in bed forever, I couldn't. I had books to return to the library and I was already pressing for time, seeming as I had about 30 minutes before they closed for the weekend. I put on a pair of sweats with a random shirt I found, and headed to town. I didn't even try to do my hair other than a French braid to keep my hair out of my face.

    As I walked into town, I saw many people out doing stuff like shopping and hanging out at the café. That was a big change from the usual here, and I wondered what happened for this many people to be out.

    I opened the door to the library and suddenly I was on the floor with my books on me. Apparently I had bumped into someone. Duh, I said to myself. What else could have made you fall down like that, huh? I thought to myself. I just mentally nodded at myself.

    "Oh my god, I am so sorry!" the person exclaimed while helping me up.

    "No it's okay," I said while smiling to the person to ease their worries.

    The lady left and I went inside. Hope no one saw that, I thought to myself while giving the books to the girl at the front desk. Then, as I turned, I saw Ash, but he wasn't alone. He was with Amber, who was cozying up to him while he was at the table. They could have been considered a couple by how she was cuddling up to his side.

    I stared for like five seconds before I turned away from the scene. I didn't know what to feel. I didn't know if I was supposed to cry, throw a jealous fit, or just pretend like I didn't see that. I know that I was the one to bring it on myself. I knew that since the second I decided to leave Ash back in the garage. That didn't help to lessen the pain however.

    I turned around and walked towards the door. Just before I opened the door, I took a deep breath and prepared myself for what was to come. I could hear her laughing from the other side of the library, and I swore that I had never felt this kind of anger ever in my life. Yes, I have been angry before in my life, but this took the top as far as anger for me. I almost rolled my eyes at how fake she sounded, but I controlled myself and went out the door. I wasn't going to let that affect me at all. My my Alex, my conscience said, are you lying to yourself again?

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    I know I said that it wasn't going to affect me, but my god how mad I was at the moment. Every little sound ticked me off and my dad joking around to help lessen my moodiness did not help at all. I was currently sitting in the living room with my arms crossed as I considered the possibility of actually running out. Maybe a run would help me with what's actually going on since I would always take a run back home to think. I had my old running shoes in my room and they probably still fit. I went up to my room and put them on. They fit me a bit tight though. I checked through my bags to see if I had packed any running shoes and luckily I had. I put on some shorts and ran out the door.

    I didn't even bother to tell my parents where I was going since they sensed that I was a bit off throughout the time I had been there with them.

    As I was running alongside the forest surrounding the garage, I couldn't help but think about Ash. The whole purpose of the run was to try to forget about him, but it backfired on me.

    I thought of all the times where he and I would race each other to my grandpa's garage in the mornings after breakfast, where he would taunt me because I wouldn't be able to keep up with his long legs, where I would...

    Hold up, Alex, I thought, what are you thinking about? Focus on getting him out of your head, you idiot!

    I shook my head and went on with my run.

    After coming back from my run, I got to my room and noticed that I had a package waiting for me. I went to go see from who it was and a smile came on to my face. My best friends had sent it! I quickly opened the package and saw the many gifts they had sent me. The had all got me books and some band merch from my favorite band. I had several letters from the girls, and the guys sent me pictures from the adventures they have had during the time I have been here.

    I sighed sadly and tears came to my eyes as I saw the pictures. They all looked so happy. I wish that my grandpa had never left us and that all of this would have never happened. Maybe things would still be the same and not as complicated as they are right now.

    The next day, I woke up early to the sounds of laughter coming from the kitchen. I groggily stood up and went to go do my morning routine in the bathroom. Then, I went to go check out what was going on.

    I was met with my parents and grandma joking around and laughing so hard that it brought a smile to my face. I haven't heard their laugh in a while now and it was good to hear it again. Maybe things were looking up after all...