Curious

On the Run

I pushed Tyler off of the bridge... 

I drop the Champagne glasses and candle into the water then took a step back, his car is still where he parked it.

The scene will probably look like a suicide to officials if he's dead. If not...no...He's dead...

I stare off the side of the bridge, and everything in my mind remains hushed. 

The adrenaline slowly leaves so I fall to my knees suddenly exhausted, horrified and upset.

I look at my hands, they are absolutely filthy. my eyes wander back to the edge, and I consider jumping down after him.

I feel a weight on me. What's wrong with me? Why did I do that?

I hear nothing but silence.

"I'm sorry." I whisper. my voice cracks, and it sounds like I've lost it completely.

A car drives by behind me, and slows down, but doesn't stop.

I rest my head in my hands, the rain begins to patter down steadily. Is this all I've become? I stare down into the water then try washing my hands in the rain. I suddenly feel like I'm being strangled and like the world is going to collapse around me.

How could I have done that?

Rain was beginning to pour down heavily. Something swells up in my chest, its burning and filled with regret. I open my mouth and the feeling comes out in the form of a heart wrenching scream, I let out all of my pain, my anguish, my regrets and sorrow into one blood curdling cry. By the end of it, my throat feels raw and I'm overly light headed.

Maybe out of regret or lack of oxygen, I can't explain why, but I suddenly become very resolute on trying to rescue him or die trying.

I stand up and rush to the side of the bridge, I climb down the cliff, now becoming muddy and slick beneath my shoes. as I near about halfway, my foot slips, and I almost fall but my body hugs the side off the mountain. My face and clothes are slick and muddy, I can even feel the dirt between my nails. I attempt to lower myself further, but it wasn't going to work. the mud in my hands began slipping from the cliff like edge. I try catching another ledge, but I miss, and I tumble down the rest of the mound and into the water.

As I fall, all I can think of is Tyler.

I made a mistake, why?
Do I love him?
Will he forgive me?
Did he live?
Will I live?

When I hit the water, it's painful, like little shards of glass hitting me. I find myself several feet under water, trying to look up at the surface. My vision blurs out for a moment, as though threatening to knock me out, but I get past it as I struggle for air.

The water is moving fast, I push myself out of the water and gasp for air. I hit a rock that was hidden beneath the surface, it scrapes my leg as the water forces me past it. The bridge is quickly drifting far behind me.

 I continuously get dragged under the icy current, it's a struggle just to breath let alone try finding someone who could be drowning. 

I accidentally choke on water and begin coughing. Shit, this is terrifying, how could I do this to Tyler? I fight just keep myself above the surface.

All I can think about is Tyler...

I look around, calling his name. His body is nowhere in site and I hear no reply.

No... no... no... "TYLER??!" 

Is he dead? I swim around and desperately strain my eyes to see something, anything that could be him.

"Tyler? TYL-" my cries would be cut off by splashes of water until we were close enough to the ocean that the river's current became gentler.

I scan the water and the shore, but see him no where as I float out into the ocean. I finally get pushed out into the bay and the water becomes  wavy. 

When I swim back to shore, I feel heavily defeated with wet clothes, rainy weather and guilt covering my body.

The ocean swells are quickly becoming more unruly. I walk along the shore searching for him for hours. Where Is he? Please be okay... The rain is only getting heavier, the sky is black with clouds, and the wind is kicking up quickly. 

Please...

Why did I do that?

After long and cold hours of searching in the dark I become exhausted. I haven't eaten all day except for the cotton candy and the wine.

I didn't finish breakfast, and I had no time for lunch.

I'm covered in sand, and I wish the rain would wash it off but it doesn't.

I trudge back up to the bridge, his car is still there, but he's not.

I wander back to the city alone.

I deserve what ever is coming.