Vermilion

Chapter 23

3 March 1814

On this day, the members of the beau monde – as he heard the term from Ralph – flocked to Felton House. They were there to dance, to gossip, and to see and be seen. Most of them, however, had another reason – one of them was related to the announcement Lord Felton would deliver and the other might be his survival from the Haven tragedy. He himself was surprised of how the story had been twisted as time had passed. But the important thing to Zachary was many people have come and he was informed that more were on their way. As he have told himself, the more the better.

The ball was not actually beginning but he could already see that the guests were enjoying themselves. Talking all sorts of gossips or the political issues taking at the Lords. People could be so voracious. And he envy those who could talk themselves in and out.

With that contemplation, he rubbed the dark gem of the ring he received from his Mama. Absently, he asked for a reason he was still living. He elicited a sigh as he gazed on the ring around his finger.

A nudge broke his thoughts. He looked over his shoulder and saw Ralph grinning ear to ear at him. If there would be someone to hit him on the back, it would be only Ralph. The older cousin might have found it amusing to do that as a habit but if he would be asked, he thought it to be a little sadistic because there were so many ways to get someone's attention.

"You're the only one I knew who could sit out one whole dashed ball," he said as he stood abreast with him and looked down on the growing crowd below.

"I'm akin to a person who appreciates what he sees and doesn't bother to ruin it."

"Oh my boy, you've buried yourself much on learning and meditation. You should've been taking dance lessons to have a lady in your arms," he quipped, "especially at the times when ladies are ogling at you."

"Balderdash, as always."

"You really have no clue my boy," he drawled.

He ignored Ralph. He just gave him a blank glance then started back to the throng below them. "I've aspired to enter priesthood and I was more than ready to do just that but that was denied. Then to be a doctor until everything happened. Then Haven. Now, I'm here. Do you think I've thought of happier days to learn to dance?"

Those sternly mustered words from Zachary gave him the chills up to his spine. There were always something beneath every word he spoke making him harder to comprehend and predict. But what was more was the fact that Zach himself have not moved on from all of it. However, he did not dare to bring it up to the younger cousin because he himself would not know how it felt like to be in Zachary's shoes.

"There's always more to life, isn't it?" he uttered.

"Yes. Until you've decided how to end it."

Ralph was about to remonstrate from what the younger cousin said but Zach walked away from him heading to the head of the stairs. Left with no other to talk with, he followed Zach who at the time was descending. Then he heard the announcement of Lord Deverill's family in their ball.

This was the problem with him. He knew that Ralph was simply teasing him with the things that he did not know about but he could not get along with it. Every conversation seemed to trigger something bitter inside of him making him lose the composure he cultured. To avoid snapping, he used to walk away just like what he did. Whenever he would think of it, he could feel himself warm and trembled inwardly. He stopped for a second, gripped the banister tightly, and then continued to descend. Everyone had his own way of containing themselves. He sighed.