Losing Her Wings

Chapter 31

Skylar tried her hardest not to take Devin’s words to heart but when she finally arrived at the lakeside, where she was meeting Ryan, only to see him sitting on a blanket with a picnic basket at his side, her heart sank. It was romantic and all for her. It was exactly what she wanted for them and now Devin had gone and ruined it all with his stupid interfering and lies. There wasn’t one moment when she really believed that all Ryan wanted was to sleep with her, not one ounce of doubt that he meant it when he said he loved her. She wasn’t a gullible child but the warning he had given her, that Ryan would only hurt her reminded her of her initial worries that she might hurt him…she would leave at some point and he would take it badly…what option was there but for her to tell him it was no use, they couldn’t be together? Making her way over, she felt cold suddenly, as if all the life had been sucked out of her and she was no longer consumed by the warmth that had filled her the moment he said he loved her. As much as she tried to hide it, faking a smile as she took a seat next to him on the blanket, when he greeted her and tried to kiss her, she couldn’t help but turn away in shame. “Hello darling…” Ryan began, all smiles and full of the same giddiness he had felt when he met Devin the night before but as soon as she turned away from his kiss, he knew something was wrong. But when he asked her that very question, what was wrong with her, in what was the most understanding tone he could manage at that time, he wasn’t surprised by the answer.

“There’s nothing wrong with me. In case you forgot we agreed that I’m not yours and you wouldn’t pressure me into saying I was. I just don’t see why you can’t take no for an answer.” Skylar sighed in her usual defensive tone and he couldn’t help but smile at it, and although he could easily have reminded her that part of that bargain was that she wouldn’t take out her frustrations and stress on him, he didn’t bother. If she was reminding him of their agreement it meant that her mood had nothing to do with being stressed or frustrated…someone had upset her. He could do better than that still…someone had upset her by talking about him. It was the only logical explanation. With a smile that was as genuine as it was warm, he leant across and brushed a strand of hair from her eyes before taking a gentle hold of her face in his hand.

“I’m not pressuring you. I know something’s wrong and I want to fix it…just let me do that.” He asked in the same soft voice he had used on her since they met. It felt to Skylar as if he kept that part of himself, that soft, tender side of him, the quiet, understanding voice, all for her and no-one else. And because of that she couldn’t help but let it out as the tears came to her eyes in a mixture of the sadness Devin had inflicted on her, the stress of her new life and ‘job’ and the painful realisations she knew made sense but only made her heart break. Ryan wasn’t surprised when she suddenly fell into his arms and cried, she was rather good at it and if it comforted her to be in his arms then he had no complaints. It was where she belonged as far as he was concerned. “Don’t cry darling, it’s alright. You’re here with me now, no-one can take you away.” He promised, holding her tight but his words didn’t do any good, she just cried even more despite the assurances he had given her that she had no reason to cry or to worry that they wouldn’t be together. But all Skylar could think was that there were people who could take her away and they could do so permanently, in a way that he wouldn’t understand and that wouldn’t give him any closure whatsoever. And she couldn’t even warn him. Instead, she spent the next few minutes explaining how she had bumped into Devin and all that he had said, unaware of how mad Ryan was at his older brother. He really did love her and she had been sure of that until he butted in and frightened her into doubting him.

“I’m so sorry…I just can’t take any more. I can’t be with you Ryan, I shouldn’t even be around you and I can’t even tell you why…” She cried, finally getting it all out her system even though it worried him that she was carrying around so much all alone, feeling like she couldn’t unburden herself to anyone, never mind him. All he could do was hold her and tell her everything was going to be alright because he wouldn’t let anyone take her away from him. He knew it was stupid and it didn’t make any sense to be in love with her but hell, Devin had been telling him his whole life how love never made any sense because it was intense and powerful, it overruled everything else that it came across. How was he to fight an emotion that strong? “Please don’t make it any harder…I can’t take it. I can’t keep going through this.” She pleaded with him suddenly, making him sigh in disappointment and a physical pain that hit him right in the gut, pulling back from her and touching her face to make her look up at him. He loved her so much, what could he do but give her what she wanted?