Smoke and Mirrors ▹ Alec Lightwood [1]

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER FIVE
INNER TURMOIL

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     The subway was packed when Adrian, Alec, and Isabelle descended into it to catch a ride back to Manhattan. Adrian surveyed the platform before taking out his stele and drawing on an invisibility rune. Alec, seeing him, worked to do the same, mumbling for Isabelle to do it, too. It wasn't the first time they had gone invisible to avoid paying. When Adrian was sure the other two were ready, he walked to the edge of the platform, slipping past people and even nudging a few. He tried not to mess with the mundanes around him too much, but sometimes it was unavoidable.

Once they were safely on the train, the three of them took the runes off and sat down. No one noticed them suddenly appear out of nowhere. No one really cared if they did; it was too late in the evening for anyone to care about anything. Adrian stretched out his legs, blinking slowly. He was starting to feel the effects of the alcohol. He slid down the seat and rested his head against Alec's shoulder, letting his eyes fall shut. He didn't think anything of the action—it wasn't the first time he had used Alec's shoulder as a pillow—but this time he noticed the stiffness in the other boy's body. Frowning, he lifted his head and looked at him.

"What's wrong?" he asked, feeling slightly hurt. Alec had never been uncomfortable around him before. Alec shifted in his seat, shaking his head slightly. He had his head ducked, so Adrian had to lean forward to see his face. He was blushing slightly, and his cheeks went even more red when he saw Adrian looking. Adrian scowled. "Why are you acting different around me?" Isabelle, who was sitting on Alec's other side touching up her lipstick, arched an eyebrow and leaned forward to look at the two of them.

"What's going on?" she demanded, twisting the cap back on her lipstick and snapping her mirror shut. He wasn't even sure where she kept them since she wasn't carrying a purse, but he decided not to ask.

"Alec finally realized that I'm gay and now he's acting weird." Smiling, Adrian gently poked Alec's cheek, smile widening when his blush went even darker.

"You just realized that?" Isabelle asked, shooting her brother an incredulous look. "I love you, big brother, but come on." Adrian laughed, poking Alec's cheek again. Alec was regaining his bearings by then, so he shot Adrian an annoyed scowl. Adrian's amused smile slowly started sliding off of his face. He pulled his hand back, stuffing it into his jacket pocket.

"You're acting weird," he repeated, now sounding much more serious than before. He hadn't really thought of how Alec would treat him when he finally realized Adrian's sexuality, but for the first time he was worried that some of his internalized homophobia was going to start leaking out. He didn't know if he could handle that. It was bad enough that Alec seemed to hate himself. Adrian didn't think he would be able to survive if Alec hated him. It was a selfish thought, but that didn't take away from the fact that it was true.

"I'm not acting weird," Alec mumbled, ducking his head even more. Adrian was sure he wanted to disappear. Adrian pressed his lips together.

"You say as you act weird," he drawled. Alec didn't respond, just turned his face away. Adrian could feel Isabelle staring at him in concern. He ignored her stare, swallowing the hurt he was feeling until it was completely buried. "Seriously, Alec, is this going to be a problem?" His voice came out harsher than he had intended, but he was beginning to become more and more upset. He didn't care if Alec was in the closet or not, he wasn't suddenly a different person just because he liked boys. "I didn't think you would care."