The Diary of Mr. Peewee

Entry 3

Dear Diary,

It has come to my attention that I have not yet told you the tale of the marshmallow clouds.  It all started way back in the day when I was a turtle. I had just finished eating some grass when I saw a bag of marshmallows lying on the ground. I happily scuttled over to the bag and ripped it open. The marshmallows cried tears of joy and floated into the sky, leaving me all alone. My feelings of loneliness and abandoment were so great that I pooped. "Tee hee hee hee" laughed a couple of passing squirrels. I turned and hissed at them so they ran away crying. It was at that moment that I decided to become a human being.  Now, I must tell you that evolving is a very difficult process. You have to climb a tree and then scream DIDDLES while jumping. Once you land on the ground, you die and are then reborn.  So I evovled myself, but instead of a human, I turned into a Pegacorn, which is a unicorn mixed with a pegasus! I was so embarrased of myself that I unfurled my wings and flew away into the sky where all the marshmallow clouds were dancing around. I ate them all. Enraged that all the marshmallow clouds were gone, a nearby butterfly bit me on the nose. I cried because it hurt really bad and crashed into the ground. When I stood back up, I found out I was human! "Yaaaaaay!" I ran in cirlces until I hit a tree. And that is the story of my birth. Now here is a schedule of my day today:

5 am - yoga

6 am - eat fresh squid

7 am - observe sexy neighbors

8 am - clean toenails

9 am - Skip work

10 am - practice yodeling

11 am - run down the street screaming "Eureka!"

Noon - buy a toothpick, just one

1 pm - Stick said toothpick into head and laugh at the pain

2 pm - make faces in the mirror

3 pm - visit mother

4 pm - eat a couple cotton balls to soak up digestive juices

5 pm- roll in the grass

6 pm - sip the toilet water

7 pm - eat more squid

8 pm - jump over the mailbox seventy-six times

9 pm - Prank call boss and leave an ominous message, mainly saying numchucks

10 pm - drink a whole bottle of apple juice

11 pm - sleep in the cupboard

Talk to you later, diary.