The Diary of Mr. Peewee

Entry 4

Dear Diary,

Sometimes I feel like jumping in my toilet bowl.  But I refrain from doing so because my turtle instincts tell me to jump in the sink instead.  So I jump in my delicious sink and what do you know? It bites me!  The faucet sprouted eyes and a big hairy mouth and bit me!  "YARGLE!" I screamed and leaped into my toilet bowl even though I knew I should not.  And my turtle instincts were right.  As soon as my  feet hit the toilet, I died!  Up up and away to heaven I went, or maybe not because when I came to, I was standing on a TV! In the middle of a ginormous bathroom!  Horrible babies began crawling out of the many toilets around the walls and they were saying "pee poo pee poo" in a high pitched gargling sound that I cannot describe in words.  Oh the agony!  Seeing me standing on the TV in the middle of the floor, they turned their watery eyes on me and gave chase.  Knowing I was already dead, I allowed them to take me, nibble after baby nibble into the deep void of darkness that none have escaped from.  My last sight was of a beautiful rubber ducky eating a cherry pie.  THE END!

Just kidding!

April Foodles!!  That was just my nightmare from last night.  I didn't really die.  I actually only went to Mr. Kitty von Whiskers' house today to eat raw narwhal(is that how you spell it?).  It tasted like soap!  After that I went for a short walk.  Passing by the park, I met my sexy neighbors with their teddy bear which is very weird because they never leave their house except for special occasions.  So I asked them what they were doing and they told me they were waiting for cheese.  Knowing that I was in way over my head, I decided to run away, but I hit a tree and a rabid squirel descended upon me and ate both my pinky toes!  The squirel soon died because I had taken extra precautions this morning for predicaments such as these and poisoned my toes with extract of llama.  I dissected the squirel and picked out my partly digested pinky toes.  After I went home, I sewed them back on with my trusty hook and ate leftover narwhal while practicing my yodeling on the roof.  Because my yodeling was so beautimous, two birdies died as they flew past me and the police came to shine pretty lights at me!  I felt like a star and blew them all a kiss goodnight.  I went to bed knowing I was very loved!

Goodnight Diary.