Chim-This isn't everything you are

Chapter 41

reeally really short i know its just whilst i think of new ideas. messsage me if you have any :)

Cheryls POV:

I woke up with a stiff neck. I hadn’t moved positions since last night. Kim was still laid in the same position in a deep sleep. I studied her face for a while until I dared to move.i wonder what she dreams about. Does she dream about us? Does she dream about problems? Or maybe even a family, her future. I slowly slide off the sofa and place a soft cushion under her head. I really wish I knew what she dreams about. Kim isn’t one to open up about things or say whats on her mind.

Placing a kiss on her forehead I quietly leave to go to the kitchen. I spot todays paper on the counter with me and Kim on the front cover.

Cheryl kept smiles on her face with Kim yesterday whilst Ashley lives it up with new woman!

I guess hes moved on. I look at the picture and he looks happy. Im happy for him actually. I put the paper down after skimming over it to see if there was anything negative was written.

“You know the kettles boiled right?” I spin round to see a sleepy Kim walk through sitting down at the table.

“Good sleep?” I ask going over to pour the drinks.

“Yeah, did you go to bed, I know I fell asleep on you.” She smiles whilst thanking me for her brew.

“No I didn’t want to disturb you, you looked at peace.”

“Chez! You shouldn’t have done that. But I was at peace and do you want to know something else. Im finally at peace with everything now and that’s down to you, yesterday was…indescribable.”

“Good. I know this might sound weird but what was you dreaming about? I saw you smiling.” I asked intrigued.

“You watched me? You freak.” She winks nudging my arm before sipping her tea.

“Yeah but seriously what was it?”

“Just had a good dream that’s all.”

“I gathered but details Kimba details!”

“Well it was Christmas time and we were sat with the family. Like we were surrouned by my side and your side and it was a massive brilliant day. I bought you a puppy and you wouldn’t leave it alone all day.”

“Is that it?”

 “No…but whats wrong with it so far?” she asked with a little hint of annoyance.

“Nothing babe nothing at all! But it was just family I don’t get whats so special about that.” Her nose crinkled up and she frowned.

“Whats so special about family? Chez what..”

“No Kim I didn’t mean it like that either, its just that we always have family around whats different.”

“Well  if you let me finish you would know.” She smiled before carrying on. “after everyone left we talked about family and I asked you if you ever would try again for us to have our own and you said maybe.”

“Just maybe?” I asked slightly confused as to why a ‘maybe’ would make her happy.

“Yeah because to be honest Chez I never thought you would even consider it again.”

“Is that what you think now? Like in this moment do you think I wont consider it?”

“Honestly? Yeah.” She says sadly her head now facing down.

“Kim what happened knocked me down but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to try something again just because it didn’t work the first time. I am still hurting I think I always will be but Kim, I want a family okay. With you more importantly.”

“Really?” she asks tears forming in her eyes.

“Really. Infact im ready?”

“Your ready? Like ready ready?”

I smile as her face lights up and the sparkle in her eyes shining more than ever. I know Kim has always wanted this and I know deep down she was panicking as to whether she would ever get that now.

“Yeah ready ready.” I smile and hug her tightly.we stay quiet in the embrace and I can feel Kims tears spilling on my shoulder.

“You alright babe?” I ask pulling away slightly.

“Yeah i…ju…are you really ready? I don’t want you doing this just because you think it will make me happy. You need to do it for you too I don’t mind waiti..”

I cut her off.

“I do mind waiting! Kim im ready okay and to be honest im not keen on the idea of having our own baby when im 60.” I joke trying to keep the conversation light.

“Okay.” She whispers so quietly it almost went unheard. “Okay” she repeats with a bit more strength and loudness.

“Give it a few days I want to do things immaculately so hopefully nothing goes wrong.”

“It wont” she says kissing my cheek.

“You said that last time.” As soon as I said this I wanted to take it back.

“Oh so I jinxed it then?” she says pulling out of any contact we previously had.

“No Kim! Look don’t start okay not now.”

“Don’t start? Chez you still blame me for what happened don’t you!?” I couldn’t tell if it was a statement or question.

“No no-one was to blame Kimberley.” I said keeping my voice low.

“I didn’t do anything Chez okay whether you believe that or not, these things happen sometimes.” She said finally lowering her voice back to normal.

We hit complete silence. She walked over to the sink put her cup and started to walk out the room.

“Just as we had a good spell ey?” she says sadly and quietly before carrying on walking.

It wasn’t even an argument not in my eyes anyway. It wasn’t a bust up but Kim is one of those people who thinks everything is worse than it is.

I look up to the ceiling and let out a loud sigh. i hadnt even managed to mention the whole thing with Ashley yet or tell her how yesterday was by far the best day of me life.

I leant on the cupboards and felt the handle dig into my back. I spun round quickly rubbing my back and opened the draw. An old pack of cigarettes staring me in the face. I hadn’t touched any for a while but as soon as I saw them cravings rushed to me. I looked around and listened out for any sound of Kim coming down but without any I shut the door and went outside sparking one up.

Inhaling the smoke deeply I could feel it going down my chest and hitting my lungs. It soothed the stress for certain but I did feel guilty for starting on them again I was just praying Kim wouldn’t find out. And with that the bedroom window opened.

“You want a baby yet you do things like that to your body? Who really put that baby in danger before ey?” her words were harsh and I was ready to retaliate but instead I was just hurt. Too hurt to get the response out. What was she getting at with that comment…