Chim-This isn't everything you are

Chapter 43

Kimberleys POv

I watched her sit there stunned. She didn’t say anything, infact I don’t think she knew what to say. I hadn’t really dealt with it myself, the fact that I was possibly going to die.

“The doctor told me you were fine, did you ask him to say that?” she asked showing no emotion, she looked empty.

“Yeah thought it might be best to hear it from me. And I didn’t want you to run off in a panic.”

“you cant leave me Kim, and I cant leave you by walking out them doors.”

“But everything you want chez is just out there.” I say sitting up slightly. She wasn’t as close to me as I wanted her to be.

“But everything I need is here. My life is out there. The fake stuff is beyond them doors, its all a dream. Your not a dream Kimberley you’re my life and your perfect.” She starts to show clearly her emotions. She lets the tears fall and doesn’t wipe them away.

“Im not perfect Chez, im everything but. Ive hurt you more times than anything else.”

“Your going to hurt me when you leave me.” She sighs finally wiping her tears.

“But this isnt by choice babe. I would never leave you intentionally.” Her heads snaps up quickly making me flinch a little.

“Never leave me intentionally. Then why the fuck ask me to walk out them doors and leave you here?” I didn’t say anything because she was right.

“do you know what hurts most?” she asks quietly and I shake my head.

“The fact that you’ve been in my life for like forever and now you’re going to be ripped away from me quicker than I got you.”

“I deserve this though Chez.” 

“You don’t deserve to die Kim, weres your second chance?”

"Ive had about 10 Chez.” I chuckle slightly trying to get her to smile but failed…miserably.

“I don’t even know what to do with myself Kim. How do I carry on without you, ive never been without you. And im not going anywhere soon. I said in sickness and in health, I signed up for this, to stick by your side no matter what.”

I smiled. She was going to put her life on pause to stay with me. Although I didn’t want her to I know I will find this a lot easier to cope with than if she left.

“I want you to move on you know after i… I want you to go and live happily, make a family with someone who wont hurt you as much as I did.”

“I cant do that.” She sighed. Her face was pale and she looked so fragile.

“I want you to for me please babe. I don’t want to ruin your life anymore especially when im not even here its not fair.”

“But you’re the only one ive ever loved. You’re the only one I ever will.”

Before I could respond a doctor came in.

“How you feeling Kimberley?”

“Bit sore. Fed up.” He smiled sadly.

“We have your results back.”

Chez jumped over to my side and gripped my hand tightly.

“You kidneys have suffered a severe trauma which initially we thought we couldn’t treat, but now you have been put on a waiting list for a transplant. You will suffer from seizures but unfortunately we cant tell you how often, it will come apparent when you begin to have them unexpectedly.”