Falling to Darkness

VI

Kind of winged it on this chapter, so.... enjoy? (I hope, lol)

WARNING: Slightly triggering content/thoughts.

o.o.o.o.o

Yuugi sat in the backseat of his grandfather's Chevrolette Cavalier, staring blankly outside of the window. He blatantly ignored the glances he was being contiunuously thrown in the rearview mirror. They had just gotten out of the hospital, the stitches in Yuugi's arm replaced, and both of the limbs having been wrapping in a thick covering of guaze. It was obvious why, exactly, the stitches had broken, though the adolescent was sticking to the stubborn reply of him not knowing how they did.

Yeah, because that conversation would go real well, he thought crossly with a small roll of the eyes. "Hey, how did you break your stitches, Yuugi?" Oh, I just decided to rip the fucking things out of my arm. Kind of came halfway to bleeding out in the boys' restroom of my new high school. No big deal.

But, he knew he wasn't fooling anyone. His grandfather knew what had happened. His doctor knew what had happened. He was just too stubborn (and dare he add, embarrassed) to admit to it.

They already knew that he was both a cutter and still potentially suicidal. What more could they want?

He sighed quietly, watching with lucid interest how his breath fogged up the glass in front of his face, staring blankly as it slowly melted away. I wonder where it goes once it fades out... he pondered absently. It's not like you can see it go anywhere...

Was death the same way?

No-one could see your soul. So, where's the proof that living things even had one? When you died, no-one could see a transluscent you sprout wings and take flight, or see demonic hands reach up and drag you down to wherever you'd be dragged down to, be it Hell or just plain, simple Oblivion. Egyptians believed that you would be sent to the Hall of Judgement, where Anubis and Osiris would weigh your heart against Ma'at's Feather. If the weight of your sins outweighed that of the Feather, you would be sent to the jaws of the Demon-Goddess Ammit. She would devour the impure soul, and they would cease to exist.

Was self-mutilation considered a sin? Would suicide send his cowardly spirit to Oblivion? Or was there even an afterlife, to begin with?

If Yuugi was completely honest with himself, the ideas of going to Hell, or just not having an afterlife to go to... it terrified him. But... sometimes he'd rather risk it, then spend another day stuck in this Hell-on-Earth. Sometimes, it was so stressful, so pressuring, that it hurt.

That pressure was why he had even turned to cutting, in the first place.

It wasn't for shits and giggles, or to play some demented game with his life. It wasn't a way to get attention. That wasn't what it was all about, like Society thought. It isn't because he wanted to die. It was because he didn't know how to live.

Sometimes, the pressure inside became so intense, Yuugi feared he would break. Fall to insanity. So he found a way to let that pressure out. Through a blade across his skin, and blood escaping his veins. It would hurt at first, but then it would all just... go numb. Then afterwards, he would feel so high and in control of his life, he felt as if he could take on the world. But... eventually, it would fade. And then he'd feel the guilt and the pressure and the Itch underneath his skin, all over again.

So he'd cut.

He'd take a blade, and cut into his own skin, desperate to relieve that pressure like a man in the desert who was searching for water.