Star Trek Voyager: Bonds of Love, Ties of Family

Star Trek Voyager: Bonds of Love, Ties of Family (Chapter 5)

Slowly the dim light of early dawn filtered through the storm clouds which had hung over the city of Albany and its suburbs throughout the night. Most residents were glad when the rain stopped its lashing assault against the windows and the howling wind calmed to a whistle, but Seven greeted the calmer sunrise with painful regret and dread. The storm which had shielded her sobs from being heard, and had been an appropriate mirror to her inner turmoil, had subsided but her feelings had not. In fact her feelings of disorientation and loneliness only increased as nature’s sounds were gradually overtaken by the sounds of unfamiliar vehicles driving past and people rising to begin a new day, people who she didn’t know, but she knew would judge her, and by extension Chakotay, on sight.

Her heavy, sleep deprived lids closed momentarily as tears burned against them. With a sigh of impatience at her own emotions she kicked off the protective layer of duvet and walked shakily to the bathroom, where one look in the mirror told her how much of the night’s agony showed on her face. She washed her face in steaming water to hide her ashen, tear streaked face behind the flush of heat, then rubbed hastily discovered make up onto her swollen eyes. Forcing her expression into its old mask of impassivity, she threw on the most weather resistant clothes she had and headed downstairs before indecision, perhaps the most irritating side-effect of her new found emotional freedom, closed its grip around her once again.

Her hand rested on the handle of the back door before she paused for breath again, her bereft reflection on the glass door making her gasp lightly, she looked so…so broken, about the farthest thing possible from the image of perfection she’d been taught to idolise and strive for. Quickly, she pulled her hair loose, hastily arranging her long hair over her face like a defensive curtain. When that was sufficient cover her cold hands twisted the stiff handle until it opened with a soft click…

“Seven, what are you doing?” A shiver ran up her back as Chakotay’s voice, hoarse with sleep, but making his concern and confusion clear, echoed softly from behind her.

Seven let go of the handle as if it burned her, but didn’t turn to face him. “I…I am just looking for a drink of water.” She muttered brokenly.

Chakotay knew she was lying and his gut tightened in hurt as he watched her shaking hands clench nervously. “The tap is in the kitchen you know.” He pointed out, more sharply than he’d intended.

Seven flinched at his veiled rebuke and shoved her hair back a little as she finally turned towards him. He smiled in relief as she did so and not for the first time she cursed her insurmountable attraction to him as he met her gaze, molten dark eyes narrowed with worry and with sleep tousled hair drifting over his tattoo as it always did. “Yes, I can see that.” She mumbled, trying to keep the shame out her tone and posture as she skirted around his sofa bed and into the kitchen, taking several gulps of water in an attempt to remove the bitter, salty taste of tears from her mouth. She gasped in shock as his lithe arms wrapped tightly around her waist and pulled her gently against his sculpted chest. She could feel his muscles stiffen in hurt at her panicky reaction to his touch and had to gulp hard as his head bowed over her shoulder, his cheek brushing hers fondly.

“What’s wrong?” he whispered softly against her ear, “Did the storm frighten you? I know you didn’t like them when you were little…” She winced slightly and he sighed, “Seven, you could’ve come to me, I missed you anyway…”

“I would not have defied your sister’s wishes…” Seven explained tightly, ignoring Chakotay’s irritated snort in reply, “Besides the storm did not frighten me excessively. In fact, it was oddly comforting to know that Earth in essentially the same as other planets…” She admitted hastily.

“That’s good.” Chakotay conceded carefully before taking her human hand, shocked by how cold it was, and sitting down on the sofa bed, taking her with him. “Now, what really is wrong then?”

Seven shifted quickly off his lap, putting a distance between them as she tensed even further. “Nothing.” She stated through gritted teeth.

Chakotay bit his lip to control his flaring temper as he watched her chin jut out stubbornly, her face taking on that opaque expression it always did when she was on the defensive. “Stop lying to me Seven.” He told her, his tone icily serious.

The knife of guilt twisting in Seven’s hammering heart forced her to make some concessions. “I have been feeling somewhat…overwhelmed.” She whispered thickly, “I was just going to go outside and walk for a while…” She swallowed hard, “I believe the phrase is ‘to gather my thoughts’.”

Chakotay’s sigh of relief beside her was large enough for his breath to tickle her skin pleasantly. “You’re entitled to that honey certainly, it’s been an eventful few days, traumatic in some ways I know. Just wait until its actually fully light outside next time, it’s not even 0600 hours yet.” Her smile in return was wavering and painful. When he leaned in for a tender kiss she stiffened, making him pull back momentarily, “It’s going to get easier Seven, I promise you. Sekaya, Starfleet, they’ll all come around in time…”

Seven’s shoulders suddenly gave a violent shudder underneath his hands, her eyes narrowing bitterly. “What if they don’t ‘come around’? What if it gets worse?” The volume of her voice grew as she let some of her emotions go, “If your own sister can’t even tolerate…” She continued, her chest heaved for air as it suppressed desperate sobs.

“What did she say to you?” Chakotay snapped urgently, sensing the root of the problem, “I’m going to kill her…”

“It is irrelevant what she said!” Seven spat out brokenly, “The truth is…that I am…not worth the sacrifices you’re going to have to make!” She exclaimed tearfully.

“Seven, I love you and nothing else matters, I’ve told you that!” Chakotay replied in disbelief, grasping for her flailing arms but she jerked away.

“Something else will matter eventually…” She choked out, “When all doors are closed to you because of me, when you want children and I can’t give you any…” Her voice cracked painfully at the thought as she backed away, “What about when one of my implants fail and I just drop dead? Then all the trouble I cause for you will end in grief!” The last word was such a cry of faithful anger that she didn’t notice that Sekaya was hovering on the stairs, horrified by the argument she was witnessing.

Chakotay, blinded by desperate frustration, didn’t see his sister either and retorted unthinkingly to Seven, “Why do you always push me away like this? It’s like you want me to give up on you!” he shouted heatedly. He regretted his words instantly as horrible pain filled her eyes and she glanced around like a trapped animal. A gasp left her throat as she saw Sekaya paralysed on the stairs and a mortified flush flooded her face before, without looking at either of them she bolted for the doorway.

Chakotay immediately ran forward. “Seven, wait…” He croaked out, suddenly devastated, but the door had already slammed shut in her wake.

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