Umbrella | Xu MingHao

iii. new hope

A quiet beep
woke me up from my slumber

I rolled out my sheets
And went to the table.

The light was flickering
My heart was skipping beats.
And I pressed open
While closing my eyes.

I couldn't bear the rejection
If that what it was.
Within seconds I glared at the response
To my surprise it wasn't a joke.

I sent my song,
just willing to try
But not only that,
I received a reply.

My hopes lit up
Seeing the name of the sender
It was the label
That you were signed under.

They invited me
to meet up at their work place.
I almost fell down the chair
and right away fainted.

Just a single song
written with so much passion.
That's all it took for me
To be happy.

I couldn't be certain,
I couldn't be sure.
Maybe they were just joking?
What if I'm screwed?

Thought after thought
Messed up my mind.
I had to grab myself
And give me a slap.

If I won't try, I will never know.
And if this is a chance
To see you right now
I will not chicken out.

I remembered the school days
When I used to run away
Just so you wouldn't see me
And think I'm insane.

That's how it felt,
to be doing this behind your back.
Trying to meet you once more
Without you knowing my plan.

I smiled even wider knowing
What it took me back then.
And how much courage
I had to build up.

Almost nothing has changed
I was still just as scared
Wondering if you will remember
who I am.

I packed my bags,
I took my stuff.
I was going on an adventure
Like nothing else.

My mind mixed up
My heart fluttered
From the idea
That I might see you.

I was excited to see
What was waiting for me
On the other side of the sea
In the land where you lived.

I was wondering how are you doing,
I was guessing and guessing
And almost completely forgetting
What I was really doing.

I had to remind myself that when
the flight will land in South Korea
I weren't going to see you
Until I cope with my mission.

But even the slightest possibility
Made my day seem so great
I pressed the sheets in my hands
Like you once pressed that mail.

I still had it, hidden in my backpack
The letter that stopped the world
And made me
Leave you in darkness.

The offer that you had
in your mind for ages.
To become a star, I always knew
you deserve to be praised.

For many days it was just a paper
But when I read what it says
I was sitting all dizzy
And praying.

Such a hard training,
And so many tasks.
I could only imagine how you fulfilled
them all to come up that stage.

I looked around the room
So many hours spent
Here with you
One last time I glanced, it's true.

It's like the memories
That I once cherished
Decided all at once
Remind me of their presence.

Moment after moment,
Second after second,
More and more of the things
Came back in my head.

I remembered our games,
Our useless long talks
And eldnelss conversations,
Our laughs and our jokes.

I remembered our love,
and how that made me feel.
I wad almost sure that
your heart beat in sync with mine too.

I remembered how we used to sleep over,
how we greet each other
first thing in the morning,
the safety I lived in.

It was crushed after
I decided to leave you.
All of those memories faded away,
That's what happens over some days.

My breathing silenced
and I waved at the room,
I wiped the feelings away
I had somewhere to be.

I was ready to leave,
just to meet you.
I closed the door
and let go of the knob.

I was staring at wooden surface
for a bit too long
I guess I was right thinking
that it's so hard to let go of the past.

I couldn't just walk away
Without all the memories
Flashing in front of my eyes
As I disappeared in the dark.

The voices of past,
were replaced with the present.
As I reached the airport
I was even more scared.

Flood of people were coming at me,
I tried to cover myself,
to hide behind backs,
but it seemed like everyone saw me.

Like my heart was exposed to the crowd.
I pulled myself together
and lifted up my bags.
I made my way to the departure gate.

I made my way
To where my journey starts.
I was zoning out
Throughout the check of my stuff.

And once I got on that plane
It was too late to run away.
I digged my nails into the seat
And leaned back for comfort.

There was long hours of flight ahead of me,
But I was willing to take them.
It seemed like the time,
Froze in one place.

The longer we flew,
the more I feared.
Being free, up there in the sky,
I'd never imagined to be so terrified.

But I didn't fear for my life,
it was useless without you.
What I made me afraid
was the distance between us.

And I knew that soon
I might get lost in your eyes
But before I could
I needed to calm down.

The ground was getting nearer and nearer,
My fear went away,
I was ready to face
Whatever came my way.

I took my bags,
Took my belongings,
I found the way out the building
Into the new tomorrow.

The land like no other,
I've never seen something like this.
The land of South Korea
amazed me indeed.

Now there was only one thing
That could have made this trip
perfect and useful.
I needed to see you, to hug you, to kiss you.

And after that, the man,
assigned to my team,
Invited me on a ride
to destination of this trip.

I didn't hesitate and took his hand,
because I knew that this work
Had to be done
And done now.

Right before I disappeared
behind darkened glass
I saw my reflection,
in the window of the car.

I saw it in my eyes:
How much I cared.
a lonely tear streamed down my face.
I'm coming, wait for me please.