Umbrella | Xu MingHao

iv. wounded soul

My sweaty palms
and nervous smile
this meeting almost
gave me a heart attack.

The nicest man I ever met
Offered me a cup of tea
And said to me
'Sit down Miss, please'.

He was so free, but mannered
A gentleman, but bossy really.
He let me know about the contract
And told me all the details.

I was too high up in the sky
From all the butterflies
To understand
the words coming out his mouth.

So I just nod and nod,
I mumbled something.
He glanced at me, smiled
And carried on with the documents.

I couldn't believe
that a single song
Got me so far
In a single day.

He read and read,
his words were repeated themselves.
I couldn't distinguish
details from the bunch.

I was rather dizzy
for a meeting like this,
I really hope he didn't think
I was being mean.

He asked me more
About my life
The only detail I misses out
was you my boy.

He seemed so pleased
that it surprised me
he needed a composer and
looks like he just found one.

The lyrics ran and ran through my mind
I wanted to ask for a paper piece
But I was unable
even to move my tongue.

All the words in my head,
they were 'bout you.
And the times I spent thinking
What I'd do if I could.

I didn't tell him my real intentions
I just agreed to his rules
This isn't school,
I won't get detention.

I cought myself thinking
If this man was your boss.
And if he was, when was he
So nice all the time?

So many questions unanswered,
My curiosity wasn't fed.
I wanted to screech
then he noticed that.

Shyly I opened my mouth
and spoke up for myself
Gladly he listened
and tried to help me to understand.

As I said he was nice,
he seemed so kind.
The man was in charge
Now I knew that.

He gave me my contract
and I read it quick
do that, don't do this
so simple and clear.

I thanked him a lot
For the opportunity he gave me
He said that I'm welcome
And that he was pleased.

If only he knew I wasn't thanking for this,
A job wass the last thing
I thought about
Coming to this place anyways.

After an hour or more,
I couldn't really tell,
Spent in the office of the boss,
who now was mine.

I got up from the chair,
bowed and thanked
I was still in shock
How well he spoke my mother's tongue.

I was still nervous,
a little bit anxious.
I needed so much to do
and so mucn to handle.

In my mind I started a list
of things that I needed to do.
Number one was of course
practice Korean, I should.

I sat down in the hall,
many people passed by,
I scanned their faces
with curiosity in my mind.

I wanted to know
where they came from,
How did they end up,
where I start from.

So many gazes were
just cold and plain,
People didn't seem happy
And it made me think.

I didn't want to become
another faceless robot to work
for this man, but I felt as if
my love will keep me alive.

Now all I needed to do,
was to deal with my job,
and day after day
search for you in this blizzard.

A young, nice-looking woman
called out my name.
I got up from my seat
and followed her steps.

She led me through halls
once again, filled with staff.
I wondered around

looking at them, but searching for you.

Cold, white walls
that reminded me of a snow
the frost bit my heart
as I remember our games.

In my memory we were still playing
Just two kids in the snow
With no care in the world
Just playing and playing.

A snowball flew at my face
I was still laughing full of joy.
The cold ment nothing,
at least back then.

Now it was different,
everything has changed
except for one thing
I surely knew that.

I still loved you the same
no matter how much time has passed
a flaming passion
was still burning my chest.

I didn't even notice
when we stopped by the door
she handed me keys
and left me alone.

I twirled them in the lock
and pushed the door harshly.
Who gives an office
to their noob writer?

I looked around,
just copies and copies around me.
Hills of paper,
mountains to work with.

I didn't know what could I do,
it was my first day
and I felt like I was
already doomed.

I brushed my fingers against the desk
a layer of dusts flew up in the air.
I sniffed and sneezed
Quickly went out of the room.

I locked the door
and sighed to them too.
I turned around knowing that there was
so much to do.

A silent giggle struck me
like lightning.
I turned to the side
and forget what I came for.

And that's when my gaze stopped by you
I thought I'll be happy,
But I wasn't, not close
You weren't alone.

She only reached your shoulder,
One step and her head
Would rest on your chest
where your heart beat.

I saw you, but you didn't see me
She was in your sight
And I was frozen from feelings
I wanted them to leave me.

Maybe then I wouldn't have felt
Like I just got stabbed
The way you looked at her
pierced my heart.

It went trough my body
Like a greatest sword
It did so much damage
I was unable to breath.

I just stood there watching
As you two left
And a little by little
I fell apart.

I could see it in your eyes,
but I cared much more.
A lonely year streamed down my face.
What did you do to me boy?