A Second Chance To The First Time.

Epilogue

(Epilogue)

I left the party without saying goodbye, but I texted Chuckie so he wouldn't worry. I got back to my apartment and everything came crashing to me. I was feeling so much emotions that it became hard to breathe. My chest felt hollow, completely empty. I saw things clearer now. I saw the truth now, and the truth that she was gone. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror because all I saw was a man who made a choice to lose the most important person in his life. I saw the pictures of us I kept in the scrapbook she gave me, and I just can't believe the reality that she was gone. I imagined the pain she endured when we broke up. Was it this bad? How could I let her experience this immense pain? The amount of sleepless nights and tears flooding down her face without me being there to catch her. I was supposed to be there. I mean, I wish she was here, but she wasn't. I can't imagine the amount of longing to see me she experienced, that amount of wanting me to be with her during those time. How could I do this to her.

I sat in my couch and smoked a whole pack of cigarettes that night. Eventually, exhaustion got the best of me as I fell asleep without me even noticing. I remember how my phone constantly vibrated until it finally woke me up.

Months ago, Betty, one of her closest friends, texted me that she was coming to Poresing for an internship. Since it was her first time living alone, she asked me to help her out adjusting. I cleared my throat and answered the phone. "Betty?"

"Damon! I'm in Poresing already, what time do you want to meet up?" She asked.

I totally forgot that today was the day she arrived. I checked the time and was surprised that day has already gone by. It was 6 in the evening. "Hey, how was your flight? Sorry I just woke up, the party last night was pretty intense. Let's meet in an hour I guess?"

"Do you want to cancel it? We can always just meet tomorrow!"

"No no, it's fine. I need to get my ass off this couch, I mean bed anyway. Let's meet in an hour, I'll go get ready."

"Alright! See you in an hour!"

I hanged up and closed my eyes. I did an amazing stretch that felt absolutely beautiful, and lighted up a cigarette. You may be wondering, now that the alcohol has been removed from my body, what was I feeling? I felt exactly the same as how I felt before I fell asleep. Even worse actually. Though the immense pain was there, I was happily in pain. I was happy because I knew that I was not lying to myself anymore and that I did not run away from my realisation. The fact that she was gone was so strong that I was still in a shocking disbelief. All I knew was that I needed her back. During that time, I didn't ask nor did it ever cross my mind to think whether I still loved her or not. All I wanted was to get her back. Then again, if I was to do this right, it was not going to be over a text message or a phone call. I wanted to come back home and get her back myself.

I got ready and met up with Betty in Central Line where most of the malls were located. I called Chuckie to apologise for suddenly leaving last night without saying goodbye, and boarded the train. I thought about how I was trying to make everything like the past, specifically when I insisted, well more of demanded, to take a cab rather than the train. And here I was, taking the train. I felt disgusted of myself, but then again, I must face the consequences of my mistakes. I was basically a zombie in the train, brain dead to the extent that I almost missed my stop. I got off the train and walked towards the restaurant bar I agreed to meet Betty.

I saw Betty sitting in one of the couches there, so I sat in front of her without saying hello. She was shocked and jumped off her seat. "Oh my god, Damon!" I stood up to give her a hug. "I haven't seen you since forever! How are you?" She added.

"Used to be great, not so much lately. Hey, you're here! Are you excited?"

"Why what happened? Yes, but I'm also scared since I have never really lived alone. It was my first time to take the train alone today!"