Sick Intentions

Chapter Eight

Piercen sits awkwardly in the confines of this closed room out of his house. Somewhere else where his thoughts run a million miles a second though he holds himself well composed. Treading in familiar territory he found himself last session at his therapist's office.

It may seem weird. Unethical to some for him of all people to see someone to speak to about his life. Chance something to slip out of his sick mind but as it goes the most convincing trust worthy people are like everyone else. No different at all. Besides he is more than ever before careful to not let a word of Benjamin when he's mastered his secret of hiding the dark monster he is seeking love through the years.

Also what explaination would he be able to give to suddenly drop out of these monthly sessions he begun years back when he needed to speak to someone desperately?

Margaret McKinsey now in her early sixties was his only family with his parents died at eighteen. Relatives in his extended family hardly gave him a thought except an occasional call every other year.

To say his family wasn't close does not begin to unearth his families reasoning to hardly speak to each other.

A big argument took place when he was a little boy, maybe four or five. He hardly remembers what it was about except the image of his parents arguing with his aunt and uncle about something. It was never clear in Piercen's young mind of what. He only guessed maybe it was about him as fingers were pointed and everyone at each others throats arguing an unwavering battle.

Something went down but what is the daunting question he has tried to dig to find out but was never answered by his parents. Or anyone for that matter at the time until years later and that truth now haunts him every day.

Perhaps it could be said what he found out he blocked out was the dark sinister reason he planned out his parents death in their fatal car crash.

No one knows it was him. No one knows anything not even the faithful Margaret who thinks he's not a bad person but damaged man from losing his parents and a bit of bullying in high school.

"Is there something bothering you Piercen?" she asks.

"No," he shakes his head staring out the window for a slight glance then back at her again. Gaining enough normality to become this fake pretend person in front of her he gives to the entire residence of the town. "I was just thinking about them again."

Yeah. Thinking about them rotting in hell for what they did. he thinks to himself making sure to not let his thoughts plague his face.

"Yes, I thought you would be. The anniversary is coming up next week, how do you feel?"

He relays the rehearsed shrug, sadness drawing on him to act as if a normal person who lost their parents fourteen years prior would. "Best I can be."

"Would you like to talk about it?"

"There isn't much to talk about." he quickly speaks unable to feel the need to speak about them more than once a year when people like Margaret ask him if he was doing okay. "I'm fine really." he forces himself to mutter at the curious look he has received from her just now.

"Is something new going on in your life?" she asks staring at him with a faint smile, curious to know if something is lingering underneath the surface.

"Huh?" he asks in surprise, caught off guard by her question of his life.

She can't know though. She can't find out about Benjamin or anything for that matter.

It will only be a matter of time from her mouth to the cops if she finds out his dark secrets. Not just that but Piercen actually likes Margret. She's nice. She's friendly and she doesn't deserve to have her life taken away at his expense to cover his secrets. Not forgetting not only would he have to kill her but her husband and family to keep everything hush. It still wouldn't work in the end. He simply can't let anything slip out when it would lead to the police to him.

"You seem distant lately. Is something wrong you would like to discuss? Or something good going on in your life? You know you can tell me anything Piercen and it would be between you and I." Yeah everything except murder because none of the women were the one I was searching for to love me. Of course if I said that you would report me to the cops and everything, my life, the future and present I have with Benjamin would come to an end I don't plan to see it stripped away from me forever.

Shifting in himself from the sudden uncomfortableness he is having this very minute he comes up with an answer in mere seconds, "I met someone. I like them and I think they are starting to like me too but they have a problem."

"Oh?"

"A troubled past which isn't far from mine but talking about it has become a problem. Keeping inside themselves they won't open up and rather lock themselves up and deny happiness."

"By them as in?"

"He."

"You never mentioned this before." she replies not appalued at the discovery of his sexual orientation as many in town would be but surprised he never spoke about men but women instead he told her he was 'going out with' during the years.

"A few months ago I realized finally I was forcing myself to like women, fall in love but after a few attempts it always failed. It wasn't because something was wrong with them but me. I couldn't like them when I would never fall in love with the opposite sex."

"What is his name?" she asks but he has no intentions to let the name slip out in this first revealing conversation she has had with him in a while. She takes a step back and reverts the question, "What do you mean he keeps to himself? Does he not want to let anyone know he is gay."

"He keeps telling me he isn't gay. He tells me he can never like me back but at the same time he's showing me he can. I think he's scared to be happy after a bad relationship he was in with an ex. It ended badly. He told me all about it and I have been here for him but he keeps pulling away. Every time I think he is over her and we can start something new-"

"Getting into a new relationship for him might not be what is best for him."

"What do you mean? He likes me. I like him and.." I need to calm down. I need to stop acting like this in front of her before she thinks I'm crazy even though I am. I'm sick. I'm something else needing some major help but at this point I might be too far gone from savaging any good left in me. "I know, I know."

"What do you know?" she ponders out loud questioning his unusual behavior. Tense and unstable he seems compared to last month. Too excited or on edge of teetering into something else she wonders.

"I know I shouldn't push him into a relationship so fast but I really like him and this is different. He makes me feel happy and I haven't felt that in a while." My whole life I never felt something for someone like I do now. It's what I have been wanting, it's everything I thought it would be. Except for-

"Piercen, I understand you do and I'm happy for you but please think about being his friend first for a while longer. I wouldn't want you go through another heart break again. Sometimes it's best to be patient and not rush into anything." Margaret advices him not surprising him because of course she doesn't know everything he does and every word he says lies a dark truth underneath he continues to hide and never speak of. "Are you seeing him again?" she asks.

"I was thinking of asking him if he wanted to watch a movie tonight. Spend time together just as friends." Just as friends. Yeah sure I'll tell you what you want to hear but it's nowhere close to the truth. Benjamin is mine and always will be.