Back To The Beginning | Marco Reus/Erik Durm

Chapter 7

                   

Chapter 7

It never crossed my mind at all,
It's what I tell myself,
What we had has come and gone,
You're better off with someone else,
It's for the best, I know it is,
But I see you,
Sometimes I try to hide,
What I feel inside,
And I turn around,
You're with him now,
I just can't figure it out.

"Hi" I smiled, as Marco's eyes met me.

His face turned into a smile, as I walked further to him. I sat down on a chair in front of him.

"I hope I didn't.... With you and Erik earlier" he stuttered, looking down in the table.

"Not at all" I smiled, which made Marco look up at me again.

His eyes were brittle – not shining - like they normally were.

"You wanted to talk" I said, taking a deep breath.

It wasn't really because I wanted too, but if I ever wanted to find peace in all this, I knew I had to.

"Yeah" he whispered.

His voice was almost stuttering. Marco couldn't really get anything out. I wondered, if he was finding the right words or he'd just snapped in panic. I waited patiently, taking deep breathes to calm myself down.

There was something he wanted to say, something he had been craving to get out; I could see it in his eyes. I didn't get his hesitation though, why didn't he just blur it out? Whatever he had to say, couldn't possibly be that bad.... Right?

***

MARCO'S POV

I felt like my throat was crumpling itself together. It was almost like my body was telling me not to do it. I felt Mila's burning eyes on me, but I didn't dare to look up at her.

How was I supposed to tell her? Maybe I'd ruin whatever we had right now, which was my deepest fear. It's kinda weird though – whatever we had going on – maybe it was nothing, maybe it was all in my head. I just couldn't lose her, not again. My life after Mila had been hell. I never thought it was possible to miss someone so much, like a burning desire inside of you.

I let my eyes glance up at her, meeting her lovely eyes. It made a smile slip out of my lips.

Damn Marco. Stop it.

Mila let her eyes stick at me. She played nervously with her hands in her lap. It was cute. She was always cute.

I'd missed that. How she looked at me, when she sent me a smile. I had just missed having her around me. Everything was better, whenever she was near. But I had ruined that, I knew it. I was with Carolin, but... I wanted to tell her, I wanted her to know I still loved her. I wanted a chance to at least tell her, I cared. I'd been thinking about a moment to tell her ever since I saw her here, what was stopping me now? Carolin? Erik? Well, him too.

The Mila I met was insecure, scared, maybe even a little sad. That Mila didn't know what she wanted, she didn't know what she was good at – but the Mila that turned up here -  was in a completely different state. She looked healthy. By that I don't mean fat or heavier; I mean, her face isn't so grey anymore, the circles under her eyes aren't as dark. Her lips aren't cracked and all dried out, her hair isn't thinning and brittle. She seemed so much more focused when you talked to her. She actually looks at people now, rather than being so unable to stay still or think about anything else then how sad she was, that her eyes would shoot around the room and just nod automatically the whole time people were speaking to her. She seems calmer, stiller, and quieter.