Broken Bonds

Chapter 5: Coffee and Cigarettes

I don't see Hux after that and I'm slowly healing up.  It's been a few weeks now and my dirty habits have increased. I start each day with a cup of coffee and a cigarette. I was trying to quit, but I don't see the point.

Im feeling sick now, but I ignore it. I know my heat is supposed to start soon.

I delivered Rose's baby today. She's beautiful, another member to their happy family. Mother is recouping well, as is the pup. I leave them to it as soon as I know their well. I can't stomach looking at them, wishing.

I'm at the river now, where Lillian is resting beneath the chilly soil. You can still see my blood stains against the dirt beside her. I can smell the faint tinge of death in the air. Reed.

Teagan hasn't come by to see me. I suppose she's feeling guilty and maybe hurt that the man she'd been fücking raped her friend. I take out a cigarette, light it, inhale the smoke. I hold it in for a while, letting it do its damage to my lungs before blowing out.

One turns into two and as I start my third I notice a strong presence behind me, but I don't smell a scent. The cigarette's smoke is clouding around me, clogging my senses. A coat is placed over my shoulders. A barrier for the cold that I don't want or need, but I keep quiet as Nox steps around to sit to my right.

"How are you holding up?" The caring alpha to his pack mate.

"I want to be alone." He respects my wishes, leaving me to my self pity. I decide to go to the diner again, but when I make my way back to the house I find that the truck is gone. I'm furious.

I don't bat an eye as I make my way into my room above the clinic. Teagan is there but I ignore her as I grasp my fingers over the keys to my old Camry. I haven't used it in so long I'm not sure it will even start.

Teagan is on my heels. "You're smoking again?" She's worrying her bottom lip.

I whip around, not wanting to have this confrontation, not up to it yet. I grab her shoulders and pull some stregth hidden inside me to the surface. "I just need some time Teag. I need to be alone. I need to process." She seems to understand. She's hugging me, walking off. She has her own issues to work through.

The engine purrs as I jam the key into the ignition. I'm hungry, but at the same time I don't want to eat. I make myself drive to the cafe. I order my usual. I eat less than half and the waitress doesn't say anything as she boxes the rest up, the cherry pie included as I pay and leave.

I try to stop myself, but I can't. I take that road. I see the tracks set back into the field of dying lavender. I see him. He's sitting on the truck bed alone. His bottle with him

I'm going fast, so I almost miss it, but then he's not so alone anymore. The wind blows, her scent running towards me, her blonde hair whipping around her. I almost run into the car on the other side of the road as I step on the gas to get home.

---

Bed, that sounds nice. I've had another coffee, now it's time for another cigarette. I light it, open my bedroom window, sit in the sill as I exhale the thick smoke.

My mind is fried. I don't know anything anymore. I press my leftover into my ashtray, formerly known as my jewelry dish. A gift from him. I stopped wearing jewelry when he left. I thought it might as well get some use.

I go straight to bed and try not to think after that.