We don't talk much after that. He stops by sometimes and sometimes I can still smell that woman on his skin.
I'm still not eating well. I think he takes pity on me. He can't help himself. He brings me food sometimes and caresses my bare skin as I try to eat. I can keep it down when he's there, but I want to cry.
I feel fragile, like a porcelain doll that could break at any given moment. I feel weak and I don't know how to cope, but I try the best I can as I take care of all the expecting mothers, all the sickly, all the runny noses of pack pups.
It's not long before my stomach is bulging even more. I dress in baggy clothes, still hiding from the pack.
Wrenley is in labor now. I help her through it the best I can. I help Nox through it too and he is looking at me like he knows why I look so gaunt. Her babies are early, but beautiful. The male is born first, then the female. She is out like a light the moment she's done pushing, exhausted. I'm exhausted too. And sick. The sight of blood now makes me sick. You can imagine how helpful that is to a doctor.
I teach Nox the basics. He's crying, a proud alpha male. I can only wish for my baby to have a father so proud to see them.
I leave them alone. My emotions are tangled around inside me. Will I love this child like they love theirs? Will I be a good mother? I touch my stomach absentmindedly.
"Are they okay?" Hux is in the waiting room. Has he been here the whole time?
"They- they're fine, but you can't go back right now. They are recouping."
He nods his understanding. I see the takeout container in his hands. I smell the fries.
He notices my glance and hands me the box. I thank him and he sits across from me at my little dining table in my one room apartment.
I have a cup of mustard beside me. I'm about two months along now, maybe a little over and I know I look like a skeleton. I can feel the cringes pack members give me when they see me. I know they think it's because of Hux.
I'm so hungry that my mouth is watering, but on the inside I feel twisted and tangled. My body is just waiting for me to eat so it can reject it. Hux sees my hesitation. He moves to the chair beside me so he can run his fingers along my lower back, just under my oversized t-shirt. His touch is soothing, but nothing like it would be if we were mated, if we were marked.
"You're still feeling sick?" He seems more sober than usual.
"Without a mate I will be sick until the baby is here."
He's surprised at this and I shove my face with fries so I don't have to speak. "Does that mean you could..." He doesn't want to say it.
"Die." I voice what he won't and I'm tangled again. I want to hang on. I want to be a mother to this child.
"Can't you do something? You're a doctor. Isn't there anything-"
My eyes meet his. My voice is steel. "You're doing the only other thing that can be done right now." He's taking in this information. He's gulping.
"Come with me?" He's unsure of himself. He's reaching a hand out to me and I leave the two last fries on the table. I don't take his hand, but I follow until we reach his truck.
I don't want to get in. I don't want to smell the scent of that women. "Can we take my car?" He starts to argue, but then seems to understand my hesitance even though I never told him how sick she makes me.
He takes my keys from me and drives us to the field. He doesn't drive in. It's dark now. We can watch the stars like old times. He opens my door, ever the gentleman. I help myself out instead of taking his preferred hand. I can't tell what's going through his mind.
We walk separately, me lagging behind, and when we reach the middle of the trail, he lays on the cool floor of the crushed flowers. He pats the spot beside him and I take a seat. "I'm sorry for bringing someone else here. This is our spot." He says 'Is', not 'was'. I try not to hope. I try not to read too much into my tangled feelings.
"I don't like her." I voice this. I try to be confident like I used to be when I was Bee and not Trixy.
"I won't see her again." There's a firmness there that wasn't before, but still, I try not to think much of it.
I don't say anything else for a while. I just watch the stars with him it's like old times.
"Do you still want to try?" I'm asking him this because of all the gestures he's been giving me. I don't see why else he would help me eat.
"I don't know. I think I just want to see what happens." He's running his fingers through his hair, a nervous habit.
"That would be nice." I say but I'm still twisted and tangled as he grabs my hand and holds it to his lips to give it a peck. He's such a confusing creature.
YOU ARE READING
Broken Bonds
Werewolf(Book 2) Beatrix is sick. She's sick of herself. She's sick of what she's done. She's sick of missing him. She's sick of wishing he would come back. And now he is. But he doesn't want her and she doesn't blame him, after all, how could she mis...
