Alysa's diary

Hopelessly in love

I knew it from the day we were seated together in seventh grade. Your hair falling just above your eyes and your toothy grin was all I could remember.

I remember having to be separated from each other because we were too loud and disruptive from other students that year. I remember going to my little brothers football game and stumbling in to you that year. I remember the countless Facebook posts, texts, and shin kicks you'd give me that year.

I knew it from the summer of ninth grade. When I told you I had been crying and you immediately wanted to know what was wrong. When I told you it was nothing and you assured me that you'd keep it a secret.

I remember talking to you, I remember how you'd give me a smug look, a confused face, a smirk, I didn't think of it then but I do now. I remember you asking me to go to your game, how I told you I had no ride and you telling me that you'd be the one carrying me home. I remember us being late on the first day of high school and having to race to our first class together.

I knew it from tenth grade. How we slowly stopped talking and slowly stopped noticing each other. How you got your first girlfriend and I was furious that you wouldn't even tell me & I learned through ur Instagram bio.

I knew it from the day you texted me out of the blue. Asking if I still had my 5sos fan account and if I still liked them. I knew it from when you and I spoke every single night, and when we didn't speak it was brutal, it felt like something was missing. I knew it from when you asked me if you could take a walk with me , at 12 in the morning, when it was raining.

I knew it when I saw you at the top of the hill with your bright yellow hoodie, the air was cold and it was spitting, I took one good look at you as you paced back and forth that parking lot with your hands shoved in your jeans, your hair a tousled mess. You stepped closer towards me & asked what my dogs name was and my dog ran , he barked at u and ran back to my house freaking out.

I knew it from the countless hours we'd talk about dumb stuff, how you'd get mad at me for ignoring you but then would be tweeting things.

But then you told me. You told me what you were going through and I told you that we weren't so different. That we were both the same kinda person. I gave you advice and you did the same. We had a system.

You were the first person I told.

Weeks later you told someone else, and you told her what you have been going through after talking for a few weeks. I don't know if I'm being selfish or being protective by the fact it took you a year to tell me but only a matter of weeks. I'm happy that you're comfortable but yet so angry that you also shared my personal experiences. I said I didn't care and appreciated that you did that .

I fell in love with you pretty hard.

And I just made the biggest mistake.