Hall 12

The Drop (REVISED)

Before I came to Helmuth's, I used to drop. Not like the stop, drop, and roll kind of shit, but emotionally, I would drop. My chest would get a sudden aching feeling that would spread to every cell in my body, and my depression would take full control of me. The anxiety had no say. The drugs had no say. Nothing could fix me or help or make it any more bearable when I dropped.

But, since I came to Helmuth's, I haven't had a single drop. Maybe it's the meds, or maybe the lack of drugs, or maybe it's my onslaught of new friends and a wonderful mistress, but either way, I haven't had to deal with the bone-crushing sadness in a long, long time.

So, when I wake up and feel the familiar ache from all those months ago, I break down on the spot. I look at the clock on the wall, trying to read the time, evaluating how long I might be like this. 9:34. My body curls into a ball, knees drawn to my chest and my head hidden between them.

I don't know how long it's gonna last, to be honest. I don't know how I'm gonna live through it. I don't know how I'm gonna do anything with this fucking boulder on my chest that won't let me breathe, won't let me sleep-

"Allison? Honey? It's meds time," Nurse Joslyn says, knocking twice before entering my room. She immediately sprints to my side, sitting on my bed and touching my shoulder. "Look at me Allison, are you okay?"

"Yes."

"Ms. Puckett, I have to give you your medications, so I would appreciate it if you sat up."

"I don't need them."

"Allison, you have to get up. It doesn't have to be for any longer than a minute, just enough so I can give you-"

I sit up, not bothering to look at her, but have enough energy hold out my hand. Two pills are dropped into it. I swallow them dry and curl back into my ball-state without another word heard from Joslyn.

Once the door to my room shuts, I'm left alone. Alone. Lonely.

Are you sad, Allison? Depression asks to the dead silence of my mind. Do you feel the weight of me? You thought you could take some pills and get rid of me? You can't get rid of me. You're stuck with me forever.

Tears slip down my cheeks and my body shakes with the pressure on my mind. I try to breathe as best I can but it feels like the wind just left me.

"Shakey? You alright? Jos told me- wait, your door is locked."

Oh, is that Blue? She's pretty awesome, Depression tells me, too awesome for you. You don't deserve her. She doesn't even like you, Allison. She doesn't care. She wouldn't want a fucking psycho-

"Yo, open the door Shakey."

Open it, open it and let her see how pathetic you are, curled up in a ball, crying and shaking. She'll leave you. Tell her to go away.