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I spot her walking away from the corndog stall to their own stall, possibly. I should probably walk towards her but for some reason I can't. I feel as if my bones have turned into jelly. A blanket of anxiety and fear is choking me. Why am I even doing this?
I can't back away, not as of right now. I'm so near, so near to changing everything. I start taking small steps towards her. Her guard is down. She's got a vibe of excitement in her eyes. She's looking forward to it, to all the beautiful things in life. Am I trying to hold her back once more?
Everything seems like it's out of a cliché movie. My world is in slow motion. The warm golden lights of the carnival are illuminating the area. The soft music that a band is playing is so soothing to hear.
There are so many people. They're smiling, small children have a look of astonishment plastered on their faces. The moon is in a beautiful crescent. I start moving a bit faster and grab her wrist. Her eyes raise up in curiosity and I move in front of her. Her eyes meet mine and suddenly I'm weak in the knees.
"I need to talk to you. Desperately." I say to her. She's about to shake her head no when I start running with her wrist in my hand.
"H-hey!" She yells as she try's to yank her hand away from my grip but we're running, it's making it difficult for her to escape.
I feel the wind in my hair, the sweat building up in my armpits. There's such a mass gathering here and I'm walking against the tide. I'm pushing past people, shoulders hitting and people cursing me. My glasses get knocked off.
Shit. Actually, double shit. Where's the cursed dumpster alley? Why does it even have to be a dumpster alley?!
"What on earth are you doing? Let me go!" She says but you can barely hear her. There's this rush of adrenaline pumping through my veins. How many stalls have I crossed up till now? Where do I take a right and where a left? Everything is messed up.
I run and run and take random rights. Dumb shit. Where's the cursed dumpster!?
"Where are you taking me? I demand an answer!" Erza says.
I don't know that myself, damnit!
After numerous lefts, rights and cursing I find a place that somewhat looks like what Lucy described to me. It's dark in there, it'll make it seem as if I'm trying to rape her or something.
"W-well?" She says as she finally yanks her hand away.
What now Jellal?
"I uh really needed to apologise, formally." I start, my throat itching. She raises her brow and I feel like this is some sort of testimony. I know she feels just as uncomfortable as I do.
Thing have changed so fucking much in just three years. I've lost so much more than what I've gained. She's gained more than what she's lost. She proved me wrong, in ways more than one.
She's proved to me that the oh-so-effortlessly-easy phrase that 'we've gotta move on and look forward towards the good in life' is actually possible. We've just gotta keep pushing and pushing and we'll reach there. One's past can either be good or bad but if we look at it on the whole, then it really doesn't make much of a difference.
Secondly, she's proven to me that it's easy to confuse infatuation with love. Infatuation is ephemeral and it eventually fades away, but love stays forever. She was infatuated but I was in love.
Thirdly, she's proven to me that it's best to turn away from the people who drag you down. Just leave.
The list can go on forever, I swear, but not this moment. "Erza I-I think that what I did to you was beyond wrong, heck I believe it. But...the truth is that-" I immediately shut up.
I stop. I freeze. I'm immobile. A fucking dumpster alley. A bastard. A beauty. Starry skies. Glassy eyes. It's cliché all over again.
