Dear Em

one

fabulous cover made by unique_nerd27
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Dear Em,
I remember the day you left me, the day you broke my heart, broke me. I remember how much it hurt, how much it hurt to love you, to be around you. I thought it was a good pain. 'I love you so much it hurts,' is what they say in all the books and movies. I thought it was normal to have a strain in my heart around you. I thought it was because I loved you so much; a strain of endearment. I was wrong. I remember the fights, the lies, the oblivion and naïvety on my part. Our love was a blindfold to hide our feelings, our hopes and dreams. You made me blind.

You said you love me, Em. I call you Ember now, just Ember.

You said you love me. Your smile lit up like fire and it was love. Looking back, maybe it was mischief behind your smile.

You said you love me. I fell for your looks, oh those looks. Your gray eyes sparking through my body like hot electricity. I was a slave to those storms.

You said you love me.

I said I love you back.

I was stupid. I believed you, Em-- no, I call you Ember now. Only Ember. I remember your kisses. I wish I didn't. They were warm and soft and you, Em. They were you. I used to tell you that your name was only Ember because your kisses were like fire. You'd laugh, saying that your parents couldn't possibly know how you'd kiss when you were a baby. Your laugh was smooth and rough at the same time, like your hands. Your hands on my face, in my hair.

You said you love me. I said I love you.

I thought that was enough, was all there is, but I see now that I was wrong. Without sincerity behind those three words, they just turn into lies. Dirty, sticky lies that get stuck in your teeth. Ember. I love you. You see that? That was sincere, and I hate myself every day for it. You said you were in love with me. You lied. Every word, every syllable, every breath that came out of your mouth was a false truth, a false love. And I want to hate you Ember, I do, but I'm still healing. If I said I hate you, it would be no better than you saying you love me. So now I'll just wait. I'll wait and hope for a time where saying "I hate you" is truth.

Love,
Nyssa