• Wolfstar Oneshots •

Butterflies and Such

The run on sentences are plentiful in this one. Oh no.

Remus was lying in bed. Alone. All the other boys were off somewhere participating in individual shenanigans that Remus particularly liked to avoid, especially when he'd rather be sleeping. Though tonight, unusually, he was restless. He felt uncomfortable somehow and supposed that eventually, if he just laid here, in the dark with his eyes closed, he would soon fall asleep.
----
Time felt as if it was going slower than ever. Lots of tossing and turning had got Remus nowhere. He still had yet to fall asleep. As a default, his blank thoughts immediately went to Sirius Black. He'd known for some time how he felt about Sirius of course. It wasn't a cliche crush. He didn't feel butterflies when Sirius touched him, or blush when he made jokes about them eloping. And he certainly didn't get jealous of Sirius's more than friendly companions. He knew they were all temporary and even when Sirius did finally settle down he knew he may feel sad for himself but he would not be jealous he would be happy that Sirius was happy and okay, regardless of if that happiness had to do with him. Remus's favorite part of Sirius was the part of him he saw when they were alone. He admired every- well most- parts of Sirius but he liked when Sirius didn't have to show off or impress someone. He liked when Sirius's attention was all his. He was mid thought when he heard the door open almost silently and very slowly. He then heard his voice, "Remus? You awake?" It was Sirius and he decided not to answer after all his tone wasn't frantic it seemed as though he was just innocently wondering whether his friend was asleep or not. He just wasn't in the mood to talk especially to Sirius who he'd been thinking about. When he heard the floorboards creak he decided to discreetly peek through his lashes, making sure that he kept the illusion that his eyes were still closed. It seemed to be only Sirius and Remus quickly slowed his breathing as best he could and shut his eyes once more as he saw Sirius close the door and walk over to him. He gathered that Sirius was kneeling in front of him, judging by how the dim light from the window was no longer present over his eyes and how he could feel each puff of breathe from his friends lips. He could smell Sirius Black. A smell he knew and was mostly fond of. It wasn't a very distinct smell to be honest he just always smelled of boy, in a good way and of this fancy cologne he always wore that was called 'Le Loup' or something French like that. It was musky and too much could give you a headache, or brain damage, but Sirius always wore just the right amount. It was distracting. He suddenly felt a firm hand caress his face. He tried not to inhale too quickly though he felt like he had just imploded. Sirius's thumb began stroking, and very gently at that, the soft hair near Remus's ear. Remus really wished he was asleep right now. Well maybe that's not completely true..
"You're so beautiful"
Oh, Remus was in deep now. He thought of maybe making a charade of waking up. Yeah, did Sirius not consider the possibility of that? Unless he doesn't care..
"So gorgeous" Sirius murmured.
In a way, this was kind of creepy? Remus was too smitten with him to notice if it was. And he couldn't help wondering how many times Sirius randomly pet him like this when he was asleep.
Sirius lifted his hand from 'Sleeping Beauty's' face and fixed the hair he moved out of place. He then did something much worse with his hand. He took his thumb and grazed Remus's bottom lip and all along his jaw. Remus needed a way out. He wasn't sure how much longer he could keep pretending to be asleep before he started breathing a little too hard or his eyes opened on accident or even worse than that, what if he moaned? He was feeling pretty close to that point.
Sirius was still massaging (basically) his jaw line when he heard the words that he wished he hadn't.
"I love you so much."
He was screaming. Internally of course. Now, more than ever he wanted to say something. But how would that work? He would know he had not actually been asleep and if he brought it up tomorrow he would also know. But if he said nothing at all, he would never get this when he was 'awake'. He supposed it wouldn't matter that he was pretending to sleep in the long run but what if Sirius was not, in fact being serious? On what premise was he doing all of this? And as much as he was trying to think rationally he couldn't because Sirius (wow) was professing his love and touching his face, rather intimately. He could still feel his breathing and smell his scent and feel his hands and hear his words after he had got up and he definitely tried very hard to savor the hot, wet, lingering kiss he had pressed to his temple. After Sirius had walked away he figured it'd be okay to open his eyes now or at least semi- okay, he hoped. When he did he saw Sirius watching him from where he sat on his bed. Quickly he shut his eyes again but he knew Sirius saw because when their eyes met Sirius, quicker than Remus had closed his, averted his eyes.
"Remus?"
He exhaled. "Yes?"
"Have you been awake long?"
"Huh? Oh, no. Just now. I mean, I woke up, just now." He opened his eyes and looked at Sirius.
"Oh. You alright?"
"Yea. You?"
"Uh-huh"
Remus figured he might as well just say it, "I, uh love you too."
Sirius's face, though there was barely any light to show it, got bright red.
"Wha?" He didn't really say the full word. He seemed to swallow the end of it.
Remus then also figured Sirius didn't understand so he got up and showed him what he meant. And though cliche as it sounds he felt butterflies.