Virgin Mom

Pike a shoe

"Lexy! Honey! Sweetie! Booty! Poopy! Can you please tell me when is brother coming back from his pokemon practice?" My annoying 14 year old brother,Max, cries for the fifteenth time.

Max is kind of the brother you'd cringe on every 5 minutes. Apart from his beautiful flashing green eyes ,his tanned olive skin and his brownish blond hair there is nothing that I like about him. More precisely because he acts like a fuckboy at school and it's very embarassing for me to be around a 14 year old fuckboy wannabe. Last thing but not least, Max is a musically addict. Cringe, cringe ,cringe. I hate musicallys! Ugh munchkins these days!

"Ugh, god please stop! Your voice is annoying for trump's sake! Now let me tell you something you little scum. If you want to be able to live one more day, you're gonna need to worry about smaller things!" I say.

"Like what?"He asks, giving me a questioning look. Placing his index and his thumb on his chin to make it look as if he's thinking.

I lower my eyes to where his little "friend"is located and then look back at him with a mischievous smirk. "Your dick"

He scoffs and then turns around back to his room swinging dramatically his hips from side to side.

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My brother Andrew had just returned from his pokemon practice. He entered the house grinning like a dumbass. God knows how much I've been dreading to wipe off that pretty little smile of his. But what really turned my attention to, was a big red bump on his forehead.

"Oh em gee! What the heck happened
to your forehead Drew? I said loudly giving him that mom-is-so-gonna-put-you-in-the-gaz-chamber-with-the-jews look.

He turns his pretty blue eyes to my direction with a smile. "Why love you too sis! You know I actually liked if you could skip with the questions and let me up to my room. I have shit to do."

"Enough with the bullshit and give me every single detail or I'm tots gonna bury you alive"

"Geez, calm down you little moo cow! Well you see, in pokemon class today we learned how to catch pokemons on the app and well we were wandering in the streets looking for pokemons and I accidentadly hit my head on the metal pole" He says giving me that I'm-totally-innocent-and-I'm-just-tired-so-please-let-me-go-upstairs-and-take-a-nap- look.

"Ugh, Idiot! Now which pokemon where you looking for?" I ask him.

"Umm.. I'm not sure, but I think it was the Lickachu one"

"You mean pickachu" I said rolling my eyes.

"Well-

"Wow,those pokemon lessons really payed off" I cut him off, crossing both of my arms on my chest and giving him that I'm-so-gonna-strangle-you-for-wasting-my-money-on-this-shit look.

After opening his mouth and closing it several times he decided to run the stairs up to his room and locking it. What a bitch.

The thing is, I don't even have a gas chamber. Ugh. Now enough with the silly problems and let's pass on with my actual life and not some stupid disease
that's probably taken most place in my life.I'm a 63 year old single,virgin mom with two kids one named Markloli (my shitty husband chosed that name) and one named Penis (I chose that name, it means dick in french). My husband's name is Koulikouli, which to be honest I pretty hate (his whore of a mom chosed this name). I, in fact, am a wonderful mom. I put my two sons in the dishwasher every week to get cleaned up even though some people tell me it's wrong and that I could kill them. I also love my kids so much that I even care enough to feed them one day per week. Ouf that has gotten me exhausted! Even though I love my kids, some order has to take place when the two of them are being disrespectful. When my kids disobey me and i have to punish them, I shove Markouli in the stove and turn it on to maximal heat for about 15 minutes. After that he normaly comes back with a numerous amount of bruises and scars because of the hot metal and also athrobbing pain in his brain area. Last time he even got a tan and almost fainted to death because of the burning heat.When I shove him in the stove he always cries his heart out and beg me to let him out. Last time he even had the guts to say that I'm a cold hearted bitch. I mean I'm his mom after all and he's only 27 years old so he shouldn't be using words that aren't meant for his age.?When he told me that, I was so mad I decided to take him to Mc donalds then lured him in the car, kicked that ugly arse of his out from the seat and ran on him with my jeep. Turns out he was a lucky son of a bitch and ended with only a few broken ribs and a damaged neck that looks like Stephen Hawking's neck.For Penis, it's a bit more agressive. He usually is the one to act around more than Mirkouli. So dependin on that, his punishment sessions are a tiny bit more harsh than the one I use on Mirkouli. For starter, I don't really like Penis mostly because of the way his head is shaped. It's truly shaped like a dick. I honestly think that it has taken this form because of the numerous times I banged his head againts the hot burning frying pan that I use to melt alluminium. Now you may be asking yourself why do I melt alliminium? Well it's simple. When my husband is annoying me, I heat the hard alluminum into the special frying pan which I use to bang my kid's head against. Then after that, when the alluminium is melted and very hot, I pour it into a giant cup an pour it on my husband's head and make him swallow it. He actually nearly died the last time but he sadly survived the alluminum. Not that I want my husband to die! I just wanted for him to stop annoying me.Apart from punishments, I bring my kids church every evening.(I'm a very religious person as you can tell)Now for my sport life, I don't really do much except for my tennis lessons. I very much do like the feeling of kicking balls. Especially when they're not too big and can easily fit in your mouth if you have any trouble from moving the tenis equipment from your car to the tenis court.