Black Dragon

To Be A Queen

I opened my eyes. It was dark out. I wonder how long I had been asleep. I look to my side and see Soo-won. His eyes were shut and his hair all over the place. He was a mouth breather and had a slight snore. I sighed and shook him gently and his eyes fluttered open.

"Huh?" He mumbled out.

"I had a bad dream."

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks rolling over to face me, he was no where near close to being fully awake.

"I don't know if I can, I'm sorry I woke you up."

"No it's fine. What's going on?" He asks.

"I'm not sure. I feel like I need to find someone." I explain.

"Who?"

I sigh. "I don't know. I'm so confused right now. There's just a lot for me to think about."

"I've been meaning to ask how you're feeling." He says changing the subject.

"Fine, why?"

"Would you be able to ride a horse?"

"Probably not by myself. What's going on?" I ask.

"I'm going to the Earth clan soon, but I'm scared to leave you."

"Well I'm going now! I'm not leaving your side ever again. You're all I have left." I say sternly.

"If you can't ride a horse then you can't go."

"I'll ride with you then. That way I won't fall off." I suggest.

"I don't think it would be appropriate. And the people don't know of your injury."

"Well you're not leaving me!" I argue on the brink of tears. I wasn't even sure why I was getting as upset as I was. "Don't leave me here, Soo-won."

He sighs and nods his head. "You can ride with me. That's probably the easiest way anyway."

I throw my arms around him and his find their way around me as well. "Thank you Soo-won." I say with a sigh of relief. I wouldn't lose him like Hak. I won't let that happen again- never again. "Why would it be inappropriate for me to ride the same horse as you?" I ask as he helps me lay back down then proceeds to lay down himself.

"We're not married. The Queen typically rides with her husband because it's not appropriate to ride by herself or with anyone else." He explains.

"We sleep together, how is riding a horse any different." I point out.

"We're not in public. And honestly we shouldn't even be doing this, much less that."

"But you said you love me and I love you too."

He sighs. "That doesn't mean we're supposed to do the things that we've been doing."

"You worry too much about what others think."

"I'm the king, I can't just do what I want."

I sigh as I lay back down, "Do you think they'll make you get married?"

"Well there has to be an heir. We are the descendants of the first king, I don't really want to be the one who breaks the bloodline."

"I never thought of it like that, but Soo-won I don't want to share you with someone else!" I argue.

"I can't control whether I marry or not, Meissa."

"But you can control who you marry!"

His eyebrows furrowed together in annoyance. He obviously wasn't very comfortable with the subject in its entirety. "What does that mean?"

"What if I married you? We love each other already. And that way we don't have to worry about you marrying someone else and me being married off, and then I can sleep with you and ride the same horse as you without you worrying about what others say."

My heart was racing as I spilled out those words  and the excuses as to why it would work out. I couldn't believe I just said that. Especially after I've been so adamant not to marry. Soo-won sat there as if he didn't know what to say next or as if he wasn't sure he heard me right. But then again what would he say to that? It was such a preposterous proposal, but then again it also wasn't that abnormal.

"I'll marry you." I say without rambling this time. That way he could comprehend what I was saying. But he still seemed surprised by the offer. "I love you Soo-won. If you'll have me as your wife, I'll marry you."

"We're siblings, what about-" I cut him off.

"I'm not related to you by blood, nothing bad can happen. People marry their siblings all the time, it's normal!"

I was scared. Scared of losing him to another woman. Scared of being married to another man. But mostly I was scared he was going to reject me.

I sigh, "it was a stupid offer. Just forget I said any-"

"I'll do it." He says.

"You will?"

"Yea."

Seconds later I was a sobbing mess and wasn't exactly sure whether they were happy tears or not.

"Meissa, what's the matter?" He asks worriedly.

"I don't know." I was relieved that he said yes, but something bothered me about us going through with this. But I didn't want to lose him be it to anyone else or just in general.

"We don't have to get married- are you okay?"

I nod my head. I didn't know what was wrong but I knew that if I didn't explain myself, Soo-won wouldn't marry me. Then we'd be back at square one. "I just realized that if I become queen I won't be able to be a great general like father, but it's fine. You're my biggest priority."

This was a pretty true statement but I honestly wasn't that worried about becoming a general. It was a dream of mine, but I wouldn't be able live without Soo-won. I had to do whatever to keep him.

"We'll work something out. But are you sure? You don't sound very sure."

"You don't sound very sure either." I point out. This was starting to give me anxiety. Which I was sure just sprung from my fear of the idea of getting married.

"I'm just scared that you don't know how hard being queen will be. You'll have to act with the kingdom's interests in mind, not mine." He explains.

"I can do both I promise!"

"And you know that you'll have to-"

"I'll do whatever I have to! I don't care!" I interrupt.

He puts his hand up to stop me from saying anything else, and I fall silent. "I won't go through with this until you are fully aware of the biggest job you will have as queen."

"What? I'll do it, I swear!"

"Don't say that until you know what it is! It's a lot for me to ask of you as my sister, but it's something I have to ask of you as a queen."

"Just tell me." I beg. It couldn't be that hard of a task, I would do anything.

"You'll have to bear this kingdom its next ruler."

I tense at that. I hadn't thought about it like that. I would do anything, but I wasn't sure I could do that. I wouldn't mind having a child with Soo-won, but having children has never appealed to me. I wasn't planning on ever having them. But if I had to do it to keep Soo-won then I would do it.

I nod my head. "Yeah, I can do that."