Sin.

intro

I have never felt more like myself.

Stop and think about that sentence for a second.

In my 19 years of life I have never felt like myself.

When I woke up, when I went to sleep or when I ate or did anything,

I never felt like I was the one doing it.

It was this constant loop of me doing what I was "supposed" too.

But right here, right now under the shinning lights and on the sweaty dance floor,

Being pressed so close to him that I can practically taste the vodka on his breath,

Wanting to taste the vodka on his breath and loving the way his eyes follow me while I move my hips to the music,

Right here in this fucking club I have never felt more important, more worthy and more alive.

Right here with him I have never ever felt more myself.

Oh and how I love it. I love the thrill and the excitement.

Right here as I grind my hips onto his I never thought I would want something so bad- need something so bad.

And maybe it is the liquor in my veins making me feel this way.

Because I could never be this bold sober.

Or maybe it's his eyes.

He has never looked at me like that before.

And I want him to keep looking, it makes me feel so good inside.

I can tell in his eyes that he is surprised I was being so... so, - loose.

But I could also tell he loves it.

Almost as much as I love the way he is gazing at me.

I have never felt this good.

Or maybe it's just me.

Maybe I want him right here right now. Despite what I have been taught.

But what I have been taught isn't important - at least not right now.

And as he holds my hand and leads me upstairs to his bed, I have never been more ready.

I have thought about my first time before and I never pictured this.

One being that I thought it was impossible. I never thought I would disobey.

But as he lays on top of me and kisses me softly I find myself in another dimension.

A dimension that I never want to leave.

I know he loves me.

And after all the excitement is over and things get really- really bad he will still be here.

He will be right here next to me.

And as crazy as it sounds.

I know,

God wanted me to have him.
God gave me this to keep.

God brought me sin.