A Piece Of Him. [ r.l ]

• Sick •

Chapter 1 .

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Blank minded and full of nothing.

___________________________

Shattered glass that had fallen on the floor was how I'd describe myself. I was a jigsaw puzzle that was missing some of it's pieces. My heart wasn't full, it was half way broken and I had lost a part of me that I would never get back. I wiped my tired red-rimmed eyes once again feeling dull and weak as if I had stayed up for nearly a week without sleep. My eye lashes fluttered up and down indicating that I was entirely too drowsy to keep myself awake.

I didn't want to go to sleep. I was afraid of the nightmares I'd once again encounter. The same dream every night with the same ending. I had been having this same nightmare for almost a month, but it didn't actually happen until a week and a half ago. It was terrorizing and my heart would race in fear. I'd be so scared I would wake up at dawn and look to my right only to find a vacant cold side of the bed. Then I'd lay there my heart beat still accelerated just waiting to cry myself to sleep again. That was an uncomfortable feeling I refuse to go through again.

Not being able to get back to comfort, I got out of bed letting my feet hit the cold hardwood floor. I slowly crept down the two flights of steps making my way to the kitchen. I heard foot steps behind me and I quickly turned.

"Did I scare you?" My younger sister asked me.

I smiled slightly.

"Kinda" I mumbled my voice a bit raspy.

"Why are you up?" She asked.

"I can't really sleep ." I replied in a monotone.

"I Don't even want to." I mumbled lastly.

"Sis" she looked me in the eye holding my hand in hers.

"I know you don't want to go to sleep because of...."

Ray. I finished in my head.

I didn't want to go to sleep because of Rayan Lopez. I didn't want to think of him being gone but that's the only thing that was on my mind. I didn't want to wake up and imagine life without him. It just hurt too much.

"I know how you feel Jae."

No. She didn't know how I felt. But I decided not to argue so I nodded quietly and made my way to the kitchen.

I looked through the fridge trying to find something to eat when this queasy feeling came over me as soon as I saw the wide selection of food. My stomach continued to churn as I searched through the pantry too. I sighed in irritation figuring that we had no chocolate cookies or anything else sweet to eat. I turned off the light and walked back into my master bedroom and got in bed. I stared at the clock for about another hour. I waited until it hit 5:00 in the morning then reluctantly fell into the best sleep I had been getting in 2 weeks.

I felt myself having the same dream. Well nightmare. Not even a nightmare, it was more of a reenactment of what was my realistic and unfortunate worst day of my life. I could actually say that without exaggeration because nothing would or could hurt me more.

~

Dream mode.

I sat in the waiting room impatiently my leg shaking up and down with fear. I didn't want anybody to touch me to see if I was okay when it was clear I was scared to death. My heart beat was going so fast I'm sure it would burst right out of my body along with my intestines.

The room was small and vacant Only immediate family and friends stood there. Slight chatter of nervousness seemed to fill the room and my chest felt like it was caving in making it harder for me to breathe. My every thought was only expecting the worst . What Ida's thinking was just so negative and I couldn't help it.