I Miss Her [Jessie J]

Chapter 15 - 29th April 2017 - First Live Show - This Is Goodbye

*Trigger warning*

*Emma's pov*

Things were not back to normal, not at all. In fact, things were weird. We were back in London preparing for the first live show and Jess had been distant with me the whole time, both physically and emotionally. For example, she stood at least two meters away from me at all times, and we were no longer laughing and joking like the other contestants were, Jess could hardly manage a fake smile. I didn't like it one bit. And to me it only meant one things. The situation with Aaron must've gotten worse. Did he know about the kiss? I hope for Jess' sake that he didn't.

I took in a deep breath as the stage hand counted down from five with his fingers in front of me. Emma Willis and Marvin Humes had just introduced me and now I could hear the end of my VT running. I watched as the stage hand put down his index finger and nodded to me as my cue to go on stage. I carefully walked to the middle of the stage. I concentrated hard so I didn't fall over. As I wrapped my hand around the cool microphone I took a quick look at the medium-sized audience before the lights dimmed. My eyes locked with Aaron's as he glared at me. Surely Jess was playing with fire by keeping me in the competition. I'd hate to think he was hurting her because of me.

The familiar ten second introduction played before I started singing. I chose this song because I could relate so well to the lyrics, it was almost my way of leaving Jess a little message; what happened to us still hurts me, but it won't keep me down forever. "Every night I remember that evening,
They way you looked when you said you were leaving,
The way you cried as you turned to walk away.
The cruel words and the false accusations,
The mean looks and the same old frustrations,
I never thought that we'd throw it all away.
But we threw it all away.

And I'm a little bit lost without you,
And I'm a really big mess inside.
And I'm a little bit lost without you,
This ain't a love song, this is goodbye.
This ain't a love song, this is goodbye.

You can try, you can try,
You can try but you'll never keep me down.
You can try, you can try,
You can try but you'll never keep me down.

La la la la, la la la la la.
I won't be lost, I won't be down.

And I'm a little bit lost without you,
And I'm a really big mess inside.
And I'm a little bit lost without you,
This ain't a love song, this is goodbye.

It's alright, 'cause you can try but you'll never keep me down,
It's alright, I may be lost but I'm waiting to be found.
It's alright, 'cause you can try but you'll never keep me down,
It's alright, I may be lost but I'm waiting to be found.

You'll never keep me down."

Emma Willis joined me on stage and held my hand. My chest was rising and falling rapidly, I obviously needed to work on my cardio. "What a brilliant performance to start off the live shows!" Emma exclaimed, "Jessie, Emma is your contestant, so we'll start off with what Tom thought of that performance."
I looked over to Tom who had a warm smile on his face. "You're tone is beautiful and rich. Whereas your performance wasn't pitch perfect but I think that was more down to nerves than anything else, and I know that's a thing that you and Jessie can easily work on. Well done, Emma, it was superb."
"Thank you, Tom." I smiled. I was relieved that he thought I'd done well.
"What do you think Danny?" Emma asked and I swallowed nervously. Danny was by far my biggest critic, apart from myself, of course.
"Well... It's getting a bit same old, same old to be honest with you." I saw Tom flash him a warning look. "We all know you've been through a tough break up and quite frankly, we don't ca-"
"What Danny is trying to say," Will.I.Am cut him off, "is that if you're back next week we'd like to hear a more positive song." I nodded and thought about what he was saying. "But I agree with Tom. Your tone is dope! The performance was emotional and just fresh!"
"Thank you for all of your advice." I smiled gratefully at every coach, including Danny. I needed to find a way of getting through to him.
"So we've had some mixed reviews their Jessie, but what did you think of this performance?"
"As Tom said, it wasn't pitch perfect but your nerves are something we can work on. You've improved a lot since the battles." Jess was short, blunt and straight to the point, everything that Jess isn't when she's on The Voice. It was so weird and not expected that there was a a short silence before Emma Willis spoke again and I was taken off stage.

*Jess' pov*

I collapsed on the sofa as I got in to my apartment. It had been a long day. My team had done amazingly well tonight and I was so so proud of them all. I just wish I could show my team what I truly thought.
"Jessica." Aaron stormed in and I sighed. "How the fuck is she still in?!"
"It's got nothing to do with me. It was a public vote."
"I don't care. You need to make her leave. I don't want you spending any time with her."
"It's my job. I can't not do it."
SLAP
And here it begins. I cupped my cheek that was burning from his touch. It was nothing like the pain I was used to though.
"Get rid of her before I do." He warned.
"Is that a threat?" I stood up close to him. This was he first time I'd ever challenged him. I was scared stiff but I was sick and tired of him. Emma had done nothing against him.
"Did you mean that Jessica?" He grew taller as I shrank, almost whimpering already. Any confidence that I had had washed right out of me. "Did you?" Aaron gripped my jaw hard so I had to look at him as he pushed me for an answer.
"Please don't hurt me." Was all I could muster as my voice came out as a pathetic, little squeak. A tear slipped from my eye and he slapped it away. "Please." My voice broke as I tried to plead to him. He did take it, however, and threw me across the room so my back slammed against the door leaving me winded.
"Get up those stairs." He ordered and I scrambled to my feet as quickly as possible to obey him.

A sharp pain arose in my chest as I climbed the stairs - another broken rib to add to the rest, I didn't even know that I had any left for him to break. I knew what was coming next - Unwanted sex that I couldn't stop. I made the biggest mistake of my life when I left Emma. I never stopped loving her and I was stupid to try and trick myself into believing otherwise. Emma would never have done this to me. I wouldn't be a broken and used object... My life would have a meaning and I'd have something to still live for if I was still with Emma.

Those thoughts were shaken out of my head as he threw me on the bed like a rag doll and chained me up, naked, as though I was the criminal. I let him get on with it. I had learned in the past, that the more I struggled the more it would hurt. Another reason why I let him get on with it was because I knew I deserved it. All the pain I had caused Emma, all the lies I told. This was karma. I had it coming. I'd given up.

It went on for hours and hours. I laid there barely making a noise as Aaron abused my body. My head lolled to the side as tears fell from my eyes. My body had gone numb by the time he unchained me. I was free but I didn't move a muscle. I had no idea what he was going to do. My breathing was still erratic but I stayed as I quiet as I could. My eyes were squeezed shut as I prayed he'd had enough for that night.

To my surprise, he lay down beside me, draped his arm over my stomach, leaned his head on my chest and fell asleep. That wasn't normal. Normally afterwards he'd leave me tied up and then go drinking. This was weird.

I waited an hour and half to make sure that he was in a deep sleep before I moved. I almost groaned as my muscles ached and protested against moving. I managed to slip out from underneath him and dress without waking him. I quietly left the house and started walking. I didn't know where, I just let my feet take me to where they wanted me to go.

This was goodbye to Aaron. I could never go back now. I knew for a fact that things would only get worse. Maybe I'd find a nice bridge to stay under that night. I didn't want to face my parents, or friends, or the rest of my family. But at the same time I didn't want to be alone either.

I looked up in front of me and saw a large, luminous building. It was the hotel that Emma was staying in. I took a deep breath and walked up the stairs, despite the agony in my ribs, and knocked on Emma's door.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Finally an update! Summer is nearly over and I've only posted one... oops *hides*

Dedicated to Sammy_HB because for a while I've been seeing you voting and making your way through the story and you've caught up! Thank you for your support :)

Good luck to everyone who is collecting results in the next few weeks!

And of course, thank you everyone for reading, commenting and voting :*

Emma xx