Unspoken Words From a Bleeding Heart

Drowning

With no clue on what to do I just want to give up. Giving up is so easy; just putting down the weapons you fight with, no need to try, let people choose your path, you get to stop expecting what's next, and stress turns into feather weight.

Giving up is like jumping into a pool of water and knowing that you don't have to come up for air. People only struggle for air is because they panic on how long they will last with the stuff they have on their shoulders which is sinking them down. I wouldn't have to do that, no struggle so I could be down there forever. But I can't because an empty mind just gives you so much room to think about everything.

Then i would start panicking. No chance or time to get to the surface. I would try and try but my thoughts just push me down farther and deeper like in the ocean. So far you reach the ocean abyss. I can't go up but only down ending up drowning. Not one chance for breath.

Drowning is so vicious, feeling everything around you and inside. The longer you fight the harder it gets and the more pain you feel. One bubble of air at a time rising to the surface wishing you could grab on and go up. One and one they go up the farther you go down. To the darkness and silence where no one can see or hear you.

But once your out of air it's peaceful, painless, and you won't ever have to wake up from a long sleep. No need to hold your breath. Letting go of everything because the water fills the space that could of been thoughts. It's nice not to think of anything. Coming close to the light, stirs approach me. Telling me this is the way, your destiny, this is how it should have ended, you be at peace here.

So is that my form of giving up. Just walk into the light. No it's not because I'm one the line in the middle between giving up and seeing how much more I can take. Like holding your breath, pushing yourself until you can't do any more.

So drowning isn't an option. I will keep swimming up with all my might for air, or swim out till I find a underwater cave to give me a chance to fight again. I don't know if I have the strength to fight till the end. But I rather die trying then giving up on what I thought was the right thing to do.

Drowning is the easy way, trying is the hard way. They say it's my time, but it's not, we have our chance, people can't write my future, I build it, I build it as tall as I can till it falls. And when it does you can always rebuild it. But some times you need to sacrifice the small stuff to have a bigger future. Sacrifice is giving up but not totally because two roads divide. You can go one way and give up but you know there's always another one to travel. Travel and discover yourself and where you belong. It's meant to be challenging. Self doubt, torture, fights, blood. Sweat, and tears.

I choose to turn my face forward. This doesn't mean I'm ready but it does mean I'm willing to try. Try to scream for help until someone can hear my roar. And join me as one to build a better me.