"He was... he was something else. I wouldn't really know how to explain John. Nor what he meant to me. It was like drowning yet it was like having the big breath after being underwater for so long. It was like finding yourself and losing yourself al...
"Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go" -Hermann Hesse
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Your face when you realized It took me 2 weeks to update, not one year. LOL.
Dedication: So to begin with I would like to dedicate this chapter to everyone who has ever had the misfortune to be diagnosed with cancer. To those who survived and to those who sadly are no longer with us. You are a warrior, and every single one of you guys has won this battle, and you are now free. My heart goes and pours out to you guys in every way.
"Stop biting your nails" I looked up quickly, stopping my actions. When did I start biting my nails? Amas' face had a little frown, but the worry on her face dominated every facial expression she tried to mask it with. And it also dominated every emotion. I looked down at my nails, noticing I had bitten them all down to the bed. Oh gosh, I need to stop biting them. I didn't even realize I was biting them, but I'm just so nervous...so scared.
We were sitting down in the hospital's waiting room, waiting for Amas name to be called. Ceci-bless her soul- had agreed to babysit the kids. She is the only one they truly trusted. Mia however was with Zelma. John didn't want Ceci too.
"Okay," I looked forward palming my sweaty hands on my thighs. I was just...just nervous. And I couldn't be nervous, I can't. I had to be strong. For my mom. For the twins. For myself. I can't let it get to me. I can't. Even though it already has. It's deep down in my heart, like a huge part but yet it's a thin layer on the surface. Wanting to burst and get thick. But I can't let it, I can't let Ama know. She'll get even more worried. She'll get even worst. And maybe she already knows how worried I am, but I can't make it even more obvious.
This whole morning she's been like this. She didn't even eat breakfast. Even after I told her so many times to at least eat something. Her response was always "No, I'm not hungry". In some way, it was like she just lost a part of her. And she has. She's slowly losing herself. And I couldn't bare see that. And I didn't want to see that, and I couldn't blame her. I could only blame myself. I never took action, we never did anything, and now? Who knows now. But I could have done more, so much more,I could have dropped out of school, gotten another job.
My mind was running like crazy, yet it was just...blank. I was thinking about everything yet I didn't allow myself to process anything. If I let myself fully think about everything, it would really get to me, and I knew without a heartbeat, I would lose it and I can't let that happen.
A nurse, with her hair pulled back in a neat bun and light pink scrubs opened the door, looking down at the folder she had in her hands, "Adela Garcia" she looked up. Oh gosh. Can it be possible to have a heart attack from being so nervous? I think so.
My heart was beating frantically against my chest and I just wanted to throw up. Blood rushed to my head and I felt light headed. Imagine? This is how I'm reacting to it, and I could hardly imagine how Ama is handling it. From the corner of my eyes, I saw Ama stand up, clutching her purse hard in a tight fist. I quickly followed, going behind her and past the door.
