house of memories | phan

8. when i'm with you i'm standing with an army

Manchester is busy with people walking hurriedly through the streets, brushing against my shoulders and bumping into me occasionally as they march along with their eyes set straight ahead or to the screens of their mobile phones. We're heading towards Arndale, which is (according to Phil) the largest shopping centre in the city. I don't know where we're going to go in Arndale, but apparently Phil has a plan.

"How did your mother react when you told her you were going to Manchester?" Phil asks me, walking slightly in front of me so I can follow him and won't get too lost. I watch how he walks; the way he keeps his fingers by his sides and how relaxed his shoulders are.

"My mother? Phil, you know my mother. She thought I was kidding at first when I told her," I laugh breathily. "I think she'd rather tie me to a chair and lock me in my bedroom for a week instead of let me travel hundreds of miles away to meet someone she thinks I don't know. I mean, I don't know you, do I?" I nudge him and he smiles. "You're probably just telling me that we're going to Arndale to shop but you're actually going to strangle me in the street."

"Oh my God, Dan. How did you guess?" I mock-punch his shoulder and he chuckles. "Hey, look. We're here."

I cast my eyes upwards against the bright sun and read the name of the shopping centre, photographing it in my mind. Arndale. Across the street, I can see Primark and I mentally add it to the list of shops we should visit.

"It's so big. I'm going to get lost in here," I state.

"I should buy one of those leads that parents buy for their children, and tie one around your wrist so that you won't stray more than two metres from me," Phil giggles.

"Yeah, but if you did that then everyone would know that I'm a hostage," I counter. I stop walking suddenly and grab Phil's sleeve so he stops too. "Hey, can we go into the Apple Store?"

I point to the shop upstairs, and Phil sighs. "Okay, fine. But then we're going to Starbucks, right?"

"Mhm," I say. The place is buzzing with people pushing through each other with shopping bags hanging from their fingers. I glance at Phil; at his ink black hair that's sticking up at perfect angles and his fringe falling across his face flawlessly. I wonder if I'll ever find the courage within myself to tell him how much I stare at him, how I wish I could look into his eyes for hours just so watch the colours change from explosive blue to quiet grey, how when he holds my hand I feel safe like nothing in the whole world can hurt me. I think I feel something for Phil, but I don't know what it is yet.

"I just need to buy a charger for my iPhone because I forgot to bring mine and my old one at home is fucked," I explain to Phil as we walk through the doorway. "And I know that you're going to say that I can use yours –"

"Who says that I was going to offer you my charger?" Phil smirks and raises an eyebrow.

I elbow him as we stride towards the Apple Store, looking like two men on a mission.
"Oh, shut up. Anyway, I need one for when I go back home."

We step into the store and Phil immediately pulls me towards the MacBooks and laptop equipment. I love how his face suddenly lights up when he powers a MacBook on and fixes his eyes on the luminous screen. He's the most beautiful human I've ever seen.

I both hate and love how I'm feeling right now. I wish that his eyes didn't make me feel dizzy and hopelessly entranced every time they fall on mine, and I wish that my heart wouldn't pound so hard in my chest that I can hear it over the sound of Phil's voice that I feel like I'm going to projectile vomit butterflies.