Leading You Home

Twenty-first

I stare into Carrie's full length mirror, dress impressively in my white graduation gown and my matching cap on my head. This is the day I've been anticipating my whole life. After today, I'll finally be free from having to ask permission to go pee and won't have to pretend to be interested in science. My adventure can begin.

So, why do I feel like something is missing? Like something is...out of place.

"You should take that off so you don't get it dirty on the way to the school," Carrie suggests, coming into the room with her arms full of cosmetics. I take her advice and strip from the gown, laying it smoothly on her bed. Underneath, I'm wearing a blush pink knee-length dress with a halter neck and a plush waistband.

Dumping the cosmetics in front of her vanity mirror, Carrie sorts through the collection. Eye shadow, mascara, foundation, blush. She's got it all.

"My Mom tries telling people that her rosy cheeks are natural," Carrie explains, holding up the blush. "Yeah, right. Hey, do you have your Rimmel Londen lip-gloss I like?"

"I think so. Let me check." Strolling across the room, I flip open my red suitcase. The same red suitcase I trudged alongside me since I left home, the same red suitcase I had stashed at Bradley's until I woke up one morning in the hospital after the accident to see it resting beside my sick bed. Felicity told me an anxious blonde-haired women brought it by early one morning while I was asleep, who I could only think to be Brenda.

"Here is it," I announce, pulling the pink tube of lip-gloss from a zip-lock buried between unfolded clothes. Smiling, I walk over to her. Carrie, like me, is already in her dress. Stopping a little higher than mine, it's coral pink with a tight waistband and a V-neck. Her square pendant necklace by Nouv-Elle sparkles as she turns to face me.

Taking the lip-gloss, Carrie sighs in relief and takes it. "Thank you. I'm so glad you were released from the hospital when you were. We've been waiting for this day for our whole lives. Imagine if you had to miss it!"

Her words make me think of Bradley and how he'll be spending the day. Probably on his couch, his leg propped up on the table with a bag of chips and one of his favorite Quentin Tarantino movies playing. My face must've shown some kind of emotion because Carrie squeezes my arm reassuringly.

"It's okay," she tells me softly, reading my mind. "He'll still graduation. He just won't be walking with us."

"Which is my fault," I mutter, slouching into the chair in front of the vanity mirror. The last day I talked to Bradley, I told Carrie a story about how he and I got into the wreck. In the story, Bradley and I were headed to the library to study together for some Chemistry test. Instead of talking about how much we wanted to be together, we were discussing formulas and the periodic table. She believed me, and since then I've been suffocating under the weight of all the lies. I just keep waiting and waiting for Carrie to somehow find out the truth and to despise me. But she hasn't, and my lips are sealed with the promise I made to Bradley. That what happened between, must stay between us.

"It wasn't your fault, Georgia. And I'm sure he believes that too." Standing behind me, Carries reflection smiles at mine. Her fingers gentle wrap around a lock of my dark hair. "Now, let's see if we can't tame this beast."

_____

"What a turn out!" Jacob shouts, staring at the crowed auditorium and packed bleachers. Carrie and I just arrived at the school. We and a couple classmates snuck out of our designated area to see how many people decided to come. All in all, there is little to no breathing room in the gym as families try to get good spots. My chest tightens up thinking of how embarrassing it would be to trip on my way to get my diploma in front of all these people.