In the Darkness

XI: Don't Belong

           I am confused but also too tired to think about where I am. This place is... empty. Only the sound of nature can be heard making me feel more and more sleepy. Cold breeze covered me as I lay in a shade beneath the tree. Maybe one day I'll go in a vacation here and I'll bring other people. A boy with messy brown hair and vibrant red eyes occupied my mind.

"Eh? Enmadou, Rokuro?" Why did I suddenly think about him? I barely even knew him, much less go with the boy for a vacation. It felt silly.

 The feeling of being by myself intensified. The feeling of being solitary becomes more and more bothering but I'm too tired to think about it. Maybe I'll rest here for a moment then I'll find my way back home when I wake up. It was very easy to sleep, as if it's something I've been meaning to do for quite a while now.

I have never slept this peaceful, this serene. There was no bulge in my stomach and somehow I'm looking for it. "Huh?" I'm suddenly confused. Me? Carrying a child? How ridiculous! I started laughing somehow, feeling alone as my own echo was the only one there to laugh with me. Surveying the surroundings, I spotted my house in Kyoto. How come I didn't remember coming back here? Kyoto was much noisier than this deafening silence. The door was unlocked and no one was home, no one was outside, no one on the streets. No one to talk to, no one.

I am all alone. My body suddenly felt cold as I sank to my knees in the middle of what used to be busy road. Tears fall from eyes without my consent. Why do I feel so sad? Why do I feel like I'm missing something? It feels like something had been gone from my memory, I can't remember something important I'm sure of it.

"I don't understand!" I screamed into the air. "Someone! Please help me!" Desperate as I am, the only thing I'm able to do is beg for someone to hear me. The clouds were rolling by welcoming the dark sky as I sat alone under a lamppost illuminating a tiny spot.

I am afraid, especially now that I can't really remember how it is to be brave. I buried my head into my arms over my knees.

A gentle shake at my shoulder caught my attention "Benio..."

My heart almost went out of my chest. "Mother! Father!" I can't believe my eyes. In a heartbeat, my arms were wrapped around them savoring the moment, validating it.

"You're alive!" I was so happy to see them, to know I am not alone anymore. Mother is not happy, she has a stern look in her face that she only uses when fighting a Kegare. She shook her head gently to me.

"What? I don't....understand..." she and father sat in front of me forcing an explanation out of their mouths.

"We are not alive." She says. "You died Benio." I cannot comprehend everything at this moment. It felt like my mind's going to explode and my hearts going to drop on the ground. This is all unreal, maybe a bad dream.

"How did you find me?" I want to know something I can understand. The need to hold on to my parents was strong. I wanted to stay with them more than anything but it feels like someone needs me somewhere else, not with them. A cold hand of my mother held my cheek, guiding me to look at her eyes. They were the same eyes I admired for years but the life beneath them no longer exists. 

"She asked us to find you." she says dearly, as if she's very delighted. 

"Who?" Instead of answering me, my father pointed to the road behind me. A girl, at age four or five wearing a plain white dress and eyes the same as mine when I was younger. She has long brown hair and skin glowing in the dark. She looks so innocent, so pure that it scares me to touch her thinking I might taint her. She looked at me for a second as if trying to confirm something. Her eyes lit up and her lips turned into a wide smile, a smile that reminds me of the same boy I remembered earlier.

"Mama!" she says cheerfully, so proud of herself. Mama? A sudden flood of memory flashed into my mind. How could I forget all that? Rokuro, everything we've been through.

"I haven't had a chance to ask your name." father asked the child. She clutched the edge of her dress and bowed gracefully.

"Nice to meet you, I am Miyuki." But how could that be? I don't remember giving birth of her yet. I am so tempted to ask but something tells me this place is not safe for Miyuki to be in. She seems like the personification of light yet darkness envelopes us all but it doesn't seem to bother her.

"So cute, just like you." mother says happily. "I'm happy to meet you my grandchild." she tells Miyuki who beamed back at her grandparents. She suddenly looked all around her as if she remembered something she had to do.

"What is it Miyuki?" I asked alarmed. Her warm hand gently grasped mine making me feel the warmth all over my body, as if she's filling me with life. 

"You have to come home now mama." she says in a way people states facts.

"But I don't know the way.." I hesitated to move in my place. I turned to look at my parents but they're gone, nothing but cold breeze was left. Thank you, I whisper in the air. She tugged at my hand , a bit forceful now. We were walking and walking but I couldn't see a thing in the darkness but I am sure my hands are holding Miyuki's.

A blinding light suddenly appeared in a distance. "What...?" I had to cover my eyes against it's intensity. I realized that my hands were empty and i was no longer holding anyone.

"Chooooooo.....sssss..." Train? A full speed train was right in front of me as I stand frozen in the tracks. 

"You don't belong here mama, you have to come back home." was the words I heard before the impact.

NOTE:

OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS! Thank you so much for reading this, I really really mean it. More chapters will come your way soon, thank you so much for being patient with me. I'm writing other one shots on the side haha. But I'm not going to stop this one anytime soon ;) 

YOU MAY BE ASKING: Where i got "Miyuki"?- I just came up with it. Miyuki means good fortune, happiness a female name in Japanese and I really liked it. Also I turned the miko into a girl, I want it to be unexpected.

WHY DID SHE HAVE TEMPORARY AMNESIA? - That's my own take on death. Memories will be gone once you cross the other side, specifically your death. (I MADE IT UP lol)

YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST! Just ask me any question I'll answer :D