Zalfie: I Will Always Love You (Completed)

This Isn't Goodbye

Alfie was sitting at home, it had been a few days. he could barely eat and he hadn't slept a wink since the news about the baby. He was exhausted. he just sat on his bed watching video's of Zoe and the collabs she did with people.

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his phone kept ringing all he could hear was

RING
RING
RING

it hadn't stopped for a few hours. it was driving him crazy, all he could think about was Zoe, the phone, the baby. he was going absolutely bonkers. Alfie was laying on the bed and his phone just couldn't shut up. He stood up and starting screaming

"FOR GOD'S SAKE! WHY CAN'T I BE LEFT ALONE FOR ONE GOD DAMN MOMENT IN HELL"

He picked up his phone and threw it across the room and it hit the wall. Nala came running in, because she was always a dog to worry about you when it came to shouting and loud bangs.

"I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!" He fell to the ground and was now in hysterics. He didnt feel worthy of this world anymore, this grey dark world. He felt like he kept falling and no one was there to stop him and hold him.

He had nothing left. What was left, Nala? Sure he could stay and feed her everyday and take her for a walk, but it would feel like he failed at life. There was no point anymore.

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(JOE'S POV)

I kept looking for Alfie because they wouldn't tell me what was happening even though I am her brother. So Jim tagged along and we went to find him, jim kept ringing him while I drove around and looked.

We decided the next place to look was his and Zoe's house since he probably wouldn't leave Nala alone. It had been a few days so I'm guessing he would be passed out on the sofa or on his bed with a couple of cans around.

"So joe, we'll head to his house and then he will come back to hospital, hopefully. But what if he doesn't"
"Don't worry Jim, at worst he will be a bit hungover and want to hear about Zoe"
"Here's to hoping"
"Yeah"

I kinda felt a bit anxious because what if it was more then a hangover, like he was still wasted. Here's to hoping, hoping he wouldn't be mortal and we could get some information on Zoe. It really bugged me that they didn't let me know anything about her. I let it slide and drove up the drive way to see Alfie's car by its self as Zoe's was, well, broken.

"You get out Jim and ring the door bell, I'll get my spare key out and rush over when I park properally"
"Okay, i hope he is sober enough"
"Me too, me too"

Jim rushed off and I could see he'd rang the door bell five times already and Alfie hadn't answered. I opened the door to see Nala wagging her tail at us. I heard a loud bangs from up stairs and we ran to see what was going on.

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Finally the ringing had stopped. Alfie ran down stairs quickly and grabbed a piece of paper and a pen. He sat at the dining table thinking of what to say. What would he say? Who would he say it to? He figured he would write to a couple of people. Just so they knew how much he loved them. The paper said:

"I don't know who's found this but if it's not my mum & dad, poppy, Sean, joe or Zoe please don't read it. It's personal. If your friend and have found it, good luck in life, I love you. I'm finally free from this prison,

Dear mum & dad,

I'm sorry. Im sorry I failed you, I didn't feel like I could go on i let everybody down. Especially you guys. Mum, you are the most beautiful woman I've even known. You and dad raised me in the right way. You taught me to never give up and thanks to you, I waited until I couldn't go on to do it. I stood with zoe until she calmed down everything she had a panic attack and made sure she was okay, but loosing the baby, it threw my over the edge. Dad, I always wanted to be like you when I got to your age, the love you have for mum, it warmed my heart. Just knowing you guys were so in love made me want to thank you for showing what love is. Poppy will look after you when you need it now, I can't go on hating myself for letting Zoe get in hospital basically dead and the baby would have loved it's grandparents.

Dear poppy & sean,

Don't be sad because I'm gone, pop, you were the most amazing sister ever. I always admired your individuality, never stop being you, and look after mum and dad they'll need you now more then ever. Please don't stop smiling, your smile always warmed my heart. And Sean, be good to my sister. I'll come back and haunt you if you don't. Look after her please. I love you guys, dont be sad, it's what I wanted. I can't go on living in this world of hatred anymore.

Dear joe,

If your reading this and Zoe isn't with you anymore, dont blame yourself or anyone other then me. I should've stayed with her. But no, I left to meet up with you guys. Blame me joe, I failed as a boyfriend. Don't hate yourself, I'm out of my misery and if Zoe has passed so is she. If Zoe is still around, she'll need her younger brother to look after her until she's over this heart break and better as well. Tell her that she's loved by me everyday and I wouldn't want to be a Berden, if I was still here... I would be. I'd be depressed after loosing the baby, not being able to help zoe kills me but I can't live like this anymore, thanks for being the best mate and brother anyone could have.

Dear Zoe, little one, gorgeous and pea head,

This was the hardest one to write. Something tells me you probably won't be able to read it anyway, I'll probably be chilling with you in heaven. If I'm not right and you are reading this, I love you Zoe Elisabeth Sugg. I couldn't do it, I'm sorry, I'm not going to hang myself in our bedroom, you won't be able to sleep there if I do. I will be taking the pills from the guest bathroom and doing it in there, I figured you could use the other one. I love you sooooooo much zoella, before I left I made a video for my channel, I wanted to be the one to make my last channel video. It's not private waiting to be uploaded, when you're ready, press upload for me. Not a day has gone by since you've been in hospital where I haven't watched your videos, i miss your voice. I'm sorry I punched joe in the face, I was angry, dont hate me. I will always be watching over you zoe, dont forget about me. THIS ISN'T GOODBYE, it's a see you soon."

Alfie put the pen down and left it where it was. He walked up to the guest bathroom after kissing Nala on her head and told her he loved her, he picked her up and hugged her tightly.

"Goodbye for now, Nala bear"

He put her down and gave her a treat. A tear shed from his eye and he headed back, he didn't look back other wise he'd regret it. He pushed the door open slowly and got the pills out from under the cupboard. No success in opening the pills until he realised it was because there needed pressure. FINALLY. NOOOOOOO THE JAR DROPPED ON THE FLOOR CAUSING A LOUD BANG. LOUDER THEN USUAL. FU.. HE MEANS FOR FUDGE SAKE. he bent down to pick them up...

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THANK YOU FOR READING THIS PART. NO I DID NOT START WELLING UP WRITING THIS PART AT ALL (I PROMISE.. MAYBE A LITTLE)

wwwwww a cliffhanger. Does Alfie do it or not? I guess there will be waiting in order to find out. This was a longer then usual chapter because of the letter and how intense it is. I was going to do the last bit in Alfie's pov but then how would he be able to pov if he was dead ... Maybe. I don't know, just thought it was better in third person. Give it a rate, comment ideas and follow me if you want to know when I update this bad boy. My danisnotonfire x reader, called breathless, is getting there, I'm writing a few chapters before releasing because I want to be ahead of myself. Thanks again and don't forget to enjoy the book

ALSO thank you for almost 200 views/reads !!!! It means the world to me knowing people are reading my book ☺😊

~megxo