I Want My Tears Back (GirlxGirl)

39. I like the sound of that

Fenris and Terry took care of burying Finn. They found a beautiful place in a park, but Kelby told me it was not covered in sand like it was before. There were trees, grass greener than anywhere else in this city. It sounded nice, but only if it had looked like that now. I asked Kelby how she knew that and told me she has a book of pictures of the city.

Jacob had this look of anger on his face when we were standing around Finn's grave. We are back on our way, but now a heavy silence is hanging in the air. No one has said a word since we buried Finn.

Loki and I have not shared any of our thoughts, just been holding hands time after time. It's the only comfort I can have right now, but I know afterward I am going to steal a big hug from her.

Jacob is the front a little further than us. He is full of rage right now, and I know that he wants as much blood on his hands as he can get. I am just scared that it is going to get him killed that he cannot restrain himself because he is not thinking enough. I step a little faster ahead to Terry.

"Could you keep an eye on him?" I whisper pointing at Jacob.

"I'm already doing it. Margaret told me to guard all of you because we need you." He says, and I nod gratefully and stop until I am back with Loki again. She looks at me with a question on her face, and I tell her why I was talking to Terry.

"Okay!" Terry shouts, and we all stop around him.

"I think it's clear that we can't go any further today. We have already lost one; let's not lose someone else." He says, and we follow after him to a new shelter. It's tall, which means there is a lot of room for everyone to think for themselves.

I step up the stairs until we reach the roof where I am entirely alone as much as I want to spend time with Loki. I stare out of the Brynhild city, which stole a friend of ours today.

I'm trying to remember what happened today. This is hard because I can't see Finn walking in front of me. I can't know that he got shot or when he fell to the ground. I think everything went to fast.

It's too much with these guns. The sound is the only thing I remember I can hear it over and over again. It's so loud inside my head. So many people have lost their lives for no reason.

"Freya?" I turn around to the voice of Loki, who seems worried. She comes towards me slowly as if she is not sure what to do. She ends up in front of me, taking a deep breath. She tries to say something but then doesn't. Instead, she cups my cheeks with her hands and leans my forehead on hers.

"I'm sorry about Finn." She whispers.

"It's not your fault," I say as I lay my arms around her and bury my face in her shoulder. I need to hide for a moment and take in Loki's comfort. The tears slip out of my eyes, as I see every face of the ones that were important to me. My parents, my brothers, the people that took care of me after my parents and my older brother's death and now Finn. Who is next?

I move back from Loki's shoulder in a rush watching her with horror.
"What? What is it?" Loki asks scared.

"I-I don't want to lose you." I tremble, and she shakes her head.

"You are not going to lose me," She cups my cheeks again, staring intently into my eyes.

"I promise." She says before she leans her lips on mine.

It's the middle of the night, but I can't seem to let my eyes drift close. It's the memories of a broken heart that is keeping me awake. After what happened to Finn, every one of my nightmares comes when I close my eyes.

I see my little brother laying lifeless on the ground in his blood. I see my first home being burned down and my second home in ashes. My big brother never came back home.

My parents died, because of a little girl's distraction and now ten years later I have gotten feelings for her. Feelings that I can't do anything about and I know if it were not for all of this mess we are in now, I would not have had them.

I wonder what would have happened if we fought that battle without Axel's men interrupting. Would I have been killed or would Loki have kept her word that she was not going to kill me? If she wasn't then what was her plan in the very end?

Right now she is lying under me with her eyes closed and I feel her stomach moving along with her soft breathing. She is so beautiful and being around her makes me forget about the past.

That is one of the reasons she is so important to me. Just like her smell that reminds me of home, where it's colorful and lively, here it's all dead. It's nothing — no wilderness, no animals, no rivers that sound so relaxing to me. I want back home, but I know there is not home anymore. It's all gone.

Loki's eyes open and she takes a deep breath.

"You okay?" She whispers, and I smile as I move my thumb on her soft cheek.

"Yes," I nod.

"I just want all of this to be over," I say, and I see the pity in her eyes.

"I know. I want that too." She tells me, and I smile as I lean down to kiss her forehead.

"It's almost over, and then we can do whatever we want." She grins, and I nod because I can barely wait for it, for freedom.

"I like the sound of that," I whisper and kiss her forehead again.