Too Real To Handle

When I Woke

I woke up 1 day later completely and totally mute. My entire family was there, including my sister who explained to me what was wrong. I had what they call Tonsillitis, a painful swelling in the tonsils, that caused sore throat, red tonsils, pain, and an inability to talk. She said the doctors told her that it can be caused by bacteria or a viral infection. They weren't really sure why, but my case was severe, and they had no idea when I would be able to talk again. They gave me a note pad and a pen, and I went from there. I asked how long I would have to stay, they said they had no idea. I asked why it hit so hard in that odd moment, they had no idea. I asked where my best friend was, they told me in the waiting room along with our guy friend. I was relieved to have an answer to a question even if it was as simple as asking the location of a friend. I asked if they could come in and for some time alone with just them. They said sure and left me be telling me they would send the other two in.

    When she came in her eyes were so puffy from crying it looked like they were swollen. He was a little more present, but still in somewhat of a daze. They asked how I was doing and I picked up a pen and my note pad and began to write my response then I heard her start crying. I looked up and gave her a confused look. She told me she was sorry, but it was so hard for her to see me like this. I understood. I would feel the same way if she was lying in this bed with no voice. Being unable to talk was harder than I thought it would be. I wanted to whisper to her that I was fine and everything was going to be ok even if it was a lie, but I couldn't. From there she buried her face in his arm, but left a little room for her to see me. He continued to ask yes and no questions so I wouldn't have to write anything and I could just rest. He asked if I knew when I was going to get out, if I knew when I would be able to speak again, if they knew why it happened in that moment, if I knew what it was, and last if I was going to be ok. I answered with the following; no, no, no, yes and pointed to the sheet of paper printed out and on my side table, and shrugged my shoulders showing that I had no idea if I was going to be ok. I did the last one discreetly so she didn't freak out.

    They stayed another hour or two and then left to eat lunch and allow my family members and others to come in and see me. I had several visitors that brought me chocolates, flowers, balloons, stuffed bears, get well cards, and even posters! I could only take so much of this before I got exhausted. My Sister saw this on my face and kindly asked everyone to leave. She stayed in the room and began reading the novel she started when she was at the house for my birthday in January. I asked her how she liked the book, and she said it was interesting and that it reminded it her a bit too much of her past relationship. I was very curious! My sister had NEVER been interested in boys, she was too focused on school. So I wrote in large letters "SPILL IT". She laughed and started explaining to me how her boyfriend was super sweet and how she was actually going to bring him home on my birthday to meet us, but he started acting really weird. She asked what was wrong and he lashed out on her. One day she noticed his phone was blowing up. She caught a glimpse of his phone and saw the contact was "Alicia" (not my sister), and it read, "I can't wait to go to dinner! Are we going to fool around at the movies afterwards?  ;)". She broke up with him right then and there and the next day came here. All I could think was that's why she ate so much ice cream the whole time she was here! I had just assumed it was that time of the month!

    After that I got quiet (and by that I mean I stopped writing things on my notepad) and dozed off listening to the National Geographic Channel, aka the only channel that's not static at the hospital. When I woke I heard my sister screaming for a nurse. I started freaking out. Why would she need a nurse? Why was she so scared? What was going on? I heard an alarm go off on my monitor and instantly scanned the screen to see what it was. I realized I didn't know doctor language and soon didn't have the strength to continue to look over there. Then that "elephant sitting on my chest" feeling I felt when I was in the lunchroom came back and I thought the worst. Then I couldn't think at all. When the nurses and doctors came rushing in they pushed my sister out the door despite her best efforts to stay in the room with me. I started to ask what was going on when I remembered I couldn't. When my vision went black I knew what was coming next. I took the deepest breath I could and was out for the count.