Too Real To Handle

When I Woke.... Again

This time, it only took me twelve hours to recover. (Personal best!) I woke up with intense pain, worse than the pain last time. They gave me morphine. I asked with my notepad if I could see my family (mainly my sister) and they said sure, brought them in, and left the room. Mom had the same puffy look that my best friend had, Dad was dazed like my other friend, and my sister was just concerned for me and ran up to my bed. She grabbed my hand and looked at my face and neck and asked if I was alright. I responded with a head nod that told her I was perfectly fine, I lied, and she looked at me with this look that told me I don't have to be strong for her. I could be myself. Say that I was hurting. Take down my walls. I shook my head and started crying. She put my head gently in her shoulder. I took it out and looked at her with tears in my eyes. I mouthed "I'm scared". She said she knew and told me to scoot over. She layed down with me and I layed my head on her shoulder. Before I knew it I was out cold. I must have stayed like this for a couple of hours. She woke me up and told me to eat gesturing to the disgusting hospital food on my side table. I rolled my eyes at her in a playful way and she laughed and whispered that she would try to sneak a sweet tea from McDonalds later. I winked and began eating my jello. My throat was sore and it hurt to eat, but I knew I needed to. I suffered through the pain, and finished my dinner.

The doctor came in to ask me questions, which was interesting considering I couldn't talk. Basically it was all just how would I rate my pain, how would I describe the pain, and where was the pain.  When I was done with my internet my sister came in with her back turned to me saying she had some bad news. I could tell by her voice she wasn't serious. She turned around with two large sweet teas from McDonald's and told me that I had to finish the entire thing before the nurses got back. I did the best I could to giggle then spirit fingered my way to the tea! It was the most refreshing thing I'd had all week! I had no problem finishing it REAL quick! My sister giggled and we heard a knock at the door. I threw my empty cup in the trashcan right next to my bed and she told them to come in. My best friend peeked in the door and asked if I was up for a few more visitors. Curious I gestured to come on in and a ton of students from my school came rushing in. The last four squeezed a GIGANTIC teddy bear in the door. My sister laughed and left the room so she wouldn't take up any space. I did my best to laugh, and my best friend reminded me that she said there were visitors! The last one left three hours later and my sister came back in while my best friend went to grab something out of her car. My sister and I talked, but it was really a one way convo because I still couldn't talk. She came back in with an entire case full of movies, four bags of popcorn, candy, and enough blankets and pillows for the entire mob that had just came in. I asked what in the world this was all for and she said we were having a movie night. She invited my sister to stay and she did.

We had a blast! The best night you could ask for in a hospital room. I ate so much crap food it wasn't even funny! I felt better the next day. Not the best I've ever felt obviously, but better. A lady I hadn't seen before came in with the doctor. The doctor explained that she was a speech therapist and would be helping me regain my ability to speak. I was excited! I know this is silly, but I kinda forgot what my voice sounded like. I knew it'd only been a few days, but I guess it was something I took for granted until. Weird.

She started me off with a few simple exercises. Move your neck like this, vibrate your voice box by doing this, and so on. My voice started warming up and I thought it felt like I almost had it back. I don't know how to explain it, I could just tell. She asked me to say something that had three syllables, then two, then one. After all of this failing, she told me to try anything that I wanted to. I could say dog. That's odd, but I could! I started freaking out. Dog, dog, dog, dog, dog, dog, dog, dog, dog, dog, dog, dog, dog, dog, dog, dog, dog, dog, dog, and dog. I said it over and over again. Then I did spider, horses, sweat tea, and so on. Until my voice was back. I was smiling from ear to ear and she walked out of the room saying her work was done. I decided I would freak everyone out, and hide it from them until some random moment.

They came in and said hello. Both my guy friend and my best friend were there along with my family. I waved casually. They asked questions, and I answered the same way I had been, the notepad and pen. Finally they all calmed down and my mom asked me if I was comfortable while everyone else wasn't paying any attention. I said, "Actually my pillow needs to go up a little," with my voice. My dad stood up to fix it without thinking. In mid fluff he stopped and so did everyone else as if just they all realized it at the same time. They all started jumping up and down and screaming asking me if I could talk. I laughed and told them I could! It hurt to talk, but not as bad as it hurt to eat so I tried not to think about it and just enjoyed the moment. One of the nurses came running in asking if everything was alright and we all laughed. She loosened up and looked at me and I said yes we are all good! She squealed just a little and went to grab the doctor. I showed the doctor too and he checked my throat. He confirmed that unless anything else came up, I would be free to go in three days. I was even more excited now! I had been in there for 10 days! It was time to go!

To pass the time I read several books, and found myself talking to my guy friend a lot. A little too much. I got tired of hearing him talk. Anyways, I tried as hard as I could but I felt like those three days couldn't come fast enough. I was just frustrated. The most frustrating part was that no one knew anything but that I had this disease, not why, how to keep it from happening again, or even exactly when I got it. I slept a lot, read a lot, and cried a lot. Then it finally came! I was going home!