Too Real To Handle

The Last Time

Ok. None of that really happened. We did go on the date, and he did walk me to the car, but when he went to pull my mask down, I stopped him. Ok girl, ok I hear you. I hear you. I'm not even aloud to share a handshake with anyone due to the fear of getting sick. I can't imagine what my doctor would do if he found out I kissed someone. If I shared saliva with someone. Bad right? Dang it. You can't answer. Anyways, I stopped him and quietly got in my car. Once I got in I rolled down my window and thanked him for a great night. I was enraged. Why couldn't I just kiss him for goodness sake. This wasn't fare. None of it was. I didn't call my sister. I knew she wouldn't understand. No one would. I got to the house, walked in the house, walked into the bed room, and saw the weirdest contraption I've ever seen. I looked closer to get more details.

'Made in China.' Nooo way. 'Helped millions all over the world.' Sureee. What the crap was this thing? 'Life Alert.' WAIT WHAT!! Did my parents seriously get me a life alert? I stormed into the living room and asked me parents what was going on. They both said that they agreed that I needed something there with me at all times just in case. It made me feel so helpless. Everything about this night was so depressing. I went into the bathroom to take a shower and I felt something odd in my chest. I ran into the living room knowing better this time. Of course I didn't know enough to know what the right thing to do was, and even if I would have I'm not sure it would have changed the situation I'm in now. This is so stupid why am I writing about this. I'm done.

Ok so my counselor told me I have to continue writing. Back at it again.  Anyways, before I could get to the living room I lost balance. My head slammed against the side of the hallway and my Mom came running up to me. Going black was all I wanted. My head was pounding. My heart was barley beating. The pain in my chest had reached an unbearable amount, I was being picked up, carried to the car and rushed to the hospital. What could it be this time... I know now. If only I would have freaking known then.

I was rushed to the hospital and I started bucking in the bead uncontrollably. The nurses held me down as the doctor stuck a needle the size of a football field in my right thigh. I screamed and screamed and screamed. I knew I was dying. I knew it. I saw a bright white light as my breathing slowed. I was dead for 2.2 seconds. I was unconscious for 2 days. When I woke I was greeted my people around me praying. There were signs all around me. Some read #PRAYFORBLISS, others WE LOVE YOU BLISS, and others GET BETTER. I was surrounded by people that cared, but they only care for a week. Then they stop. You become the lost cause. You become depressed. You become clinically depressed. Then you loose your hair. Becuase what they didn't realize was when they left the girl, the girl was struggling with cancer and CD8 lymphonmania. My T cells were falling apart at the seems I was dying. I am dying. I skipped  a lot. I got scared of what might happen if I write about it. I lost the guy. My best friend got a new friend, and I'm dying. My doctor let me go home for the last time. Yeah. The last time.