Finding the Pure Note

Beneath Those Masks Lie Worlds

I don't know what possessed me to go home, but I suppose a simple smile can carry you to unexpected destinations. Even so... it didn't sit right with me. Why should home be so unexpected? Why couldn't it just be... home?

The bag of my belongings strung lazily over one shoulder, I hoist it up and stop staring at the front door. I check my phone quickly and shiver. Fuck. I can't do this. I'm overcome with jarring feelings of dysphoria, and I feel like I'm being ripped from my body. My teeth chatter with no sign of stopping, just clattering with more vigour. I can't fucking do this!

Turning back, I text Fletcher. I think I'll stay at his place tonight. I'm not ready to face this just yet. It's not a small feeling; I know to step in there is to find my world changed forever. No longer am I the precious shining light to hold up to the world. I mean, I was no saint, don't get me wrong. Just... Mum had visions of grandeur. Delusions, more like. Now... Now I'm tainted. Undesirable.

The nose ring I can't hide... Best she doesn't see the tattoo just yet.

My phone buzzes and I sigh with relief as Fletcher gives me the OK, responding a few seconds after that he'll be around in five minutes. A light flicks on behind me, bathing me in its orange glow. I turn my head slightly, and I can see the silhouette of mum approaching the door. I run.

I feel like my legs will carry me too far, where I'm lost in suburbia, claimed by the winding streets, choking hedge gardens and brick walls. I force myself to a jog and hide behind mum's car. Mine was still parked at Sean's and Fletcher would need to take me there tomorrow.

I watch as her head pops up in the window, looking left and right before disappearing, satisfied no ghosts are at her door. I let out my held sigh, but then the front door swings open and I drop into a defensive stance, pressing my fingers against the cold metal as if ready to spring off the car. Mum steps out, her hair down to her shoulders—why haven't you cut it, mum?

I can just make out the urgency in her eyes, and as she takes a few steps forward, I silently pray that she'll stop. She keeps walking my way, seemingly determined to reach the car, as if she knows I'm standing behind it, waiting, but then stops a few feet from it. Looking around, I can see the stress lines on her face and I stifle a groan.

"Clay!" she calls, desperation marking her voice, making it sound withered and broken. "Clay!"

I could do it. I could step out now and meet my destiny. She won't be mad. She just wants me home. But then a dark thought crosses my mind—you could call it a sharp dose of reality. Concern will soon fade, vehemence transforming her. She'll lay onto me like a shark on blood-marked prey. I won't survive her jagged teeth.

She hovers for a minute more and then drops her head, turning pitifully before walking quickly back inside, her heels clacking on the concrete, echoing out in the quiet of night's embrace. When the door closes, I watch, telling myself that maybe I'm wrong. Maybe she will be more relieved than anything and I can weather the lectures and threats. Shit, if not now, then I have to face her tomorrow. So why push it off if the result is still the same?

Before I can come to a proper conclusion, a car horn blares behind me and I jump. I admit I did scream a little too loudly, but then relief washes over me as I see it's Fletcher, his car waiting on the road. He waves and I run over, hopping in before mum comes out to check on the commotion. As soon as I'm in, Fletcher drives forward, and as he makes a u-turn, driving past my house once more, I swear I see a curtain ruffle, but I can't be certain. Who was watching? If it was Hunter, would he tell?

"Shit, man," I laugh. "How'd you get here supernaturally fast?"

"I'm stalking you, bro." He smiles, hitting my shoulder. "Nah, I was still round the corner, idiot."