Music Sound Screaming Silence

Change in Tempo

    Charles always said I had a uniquely beautiful mind. The first day we went to that little coffee shop down the street, he told me he could here music coming from my mind. I didn't know what it meant then. Neither did he. But we both know what it means now, and it makes it that much harder to think about the past. But I am, I am thinking about that first night at my house. When we were on that couch. How close we were. How I hadn't been that close to someone in a long time. And when he left...well, I'll try to explain it.

I shut my front door once Charles had made it to the end of my hall and waved one last goodbye. Once the door was shut I leaned my forehead against the hard wood and let out a breath I hadn't known I was holding in.

"You can't have feelings for him, Lehnsherr." I whispered to myself.

"I wasn't ready for a relationship. I wasn't ready to let someone in...was I? Would he even still want to talk to me if he knew what I had done? Surely not. Charles is a good man, a kind man. And me...I've done things that are irredeemable." I chastised myself.

I groaned at the unpleasant thought as I pushed myself off the door and headed for the bathroom. I grabbed the handle with a slightly shaking hand to try and ground myself. I knew if I got too lost in my thoughts the guilt would cripple me.

I used my powers to turn on the sink and splashed the cold water on my face. The temperature of the water hit me hard. It was real. It was physical. I could trust it. Unlike my thoughts. Unlike my feelings. "How could I trust Charles when I couldn't even trust myself?"

But, I did.

After knowing him for only a week, I trusted him. Maybe telepathic bonds worked both ways because I could almost feel his genuine concern for me. I could tell he wanted to be close to me.

I shut off the sink and blindly reached for a hand towel to dry my face. When my fingers graced the cloth, I focused on the feel of the threads; they caught slightly on my weathered hands.

"Ground yourself Erik. Focus on now. Don't think about the past. Don't think about the future." I repeated to myself quietly as I dried my face.

As I put the towel down on the counter I looked at my reflection. Same old distinct jaw line and green eyes. But everything seemed a bit lighter. My face was still what some would call "rugged", I preferred adjectives like sharp, nevertheless the lines seemed smoother now. My eyes, once dark in my reflection shown back at me brightly. I smiled slightly at the sight.

Charles made me happy. He really did.

It didn't matter what was lurking in my past and I couldn't afford to think too far ahead in the future but, I knew I wanted to be happy now. I was going to let Charles Xavier be my friend...and, maybe more, if he wanted.

I gave myself one last glance before shutting off the lights and walking to my bedroom. Reading Charles's book sounded like a nice way to finish off the night.

As I headed down the hall, I slowly stepped past my office. I thought back to earlier that evening when Charles had seemed so eager to know what lied behind this door. He didn't need to know...not yet.

I sighed and kept on my way, mentally checking that the door was locked with a quick flick of my ability. "If my life could stop being complicated for one damn minute that would be greatly appreciated," I thought bitterly.

Unfortunately, that bitter anger came out as I slammed my door open leaving, a small dent in the wall. Emotional management was never my strong suit. I never felt angry with Charles though; I knew that could just be the fact that I had only known him a week.

I groaned as I collapsed onto my bed.

"We are going to table our emotions for now and deal with them later. Tonight lets just read. Okay?" I breathed out as I reached for my book.

I wiggled out of my jeans as I scooted up my bed and floated the pants by the buttons to my laundry hamper. I propped the book on my knee and flipped to the page I had left off on.

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I awoke to the beeping of my phone alarm. I shut it off without bothering to get up. I could tell it was plugged in, so I must have remember to do that before I passed out. Charles's book was draped across my chest, and I gently smoothed out the pages while setting it back on my desk. I then headed to my bathroom to shower and get ready for my morning meeting. I had sent out the final building plans, but we needed to get them approved in person today.

I loathed meeting in person. That was one of the main reasons I chose this position. I could work from home, away from my ignorant coworkers. They always regarded me like a stray dog. Pitying glances and slight fear as if they were worried I was capable of attacking them at any moment. It was degrading, but the norm of the day. Of course, it had been worse in Germany, America seemed much more tolerant but, there were still those who refused to see reason.

After I was finished in the bathroom, I floated a few shirts out from the closet paired them with various ties and jackets in the air around me trying to decide what I should wear. I settled on a black dress shirt with a charcoal blazer and a matching pair of slacks. Simple. The way I liked things.

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I tossed my bag onto my couch as I walked back into my apartment, sleepily. It wasn't even late but redundancy tended to put me to sleep. It was with a considerable amount of self control that I stayed alert during the finalization meeting.

I sighed with relief as I tossed off my jacket and undid the top three buttons of my shirt. It felt perfect to be home and alone. Well, not perfect exactly. I wouldn't mind it if Charles popped in again. He always was a nice addition to my day.

I sat on my sofa and fished my phone out of my pocket. I was disappointed that Charles hadn't texted. I felt silly having a crush on the man. It had been so long since I had let myself open up and become vulnerable enough to let someone have the effect on my Charles did. The nervous knot in my stomach, the flush of my cheeks, the way I stammered over simple words...It was all new to me; and honestly, it felt good.

I missed Charles already.

He seemed to be one of the very few people I could tolerate, let alone actually enjoy being around. I didn't dislike people, per say, but it was hard for me to feel safe around others. Charles always made me feel safe.

"Tomorrow," I said to myself, "you will see him tomorrow. You can make it one day without talking to him!"

I couldn't bother him everyday. He had classes and grading to deal with along with his life outside of work. I didn't want to become an annoyance to him. Self control was a skill I was forced to master at a young age.

I shuddered at the memories.

No matter how I achieved my level of restraint I did have it. And it was time to use it. All I needed to do was go 24 more hours not thinking about how close Charles and I had been the previous night. And how much closer I still wish we could have been. And it seemed I was already failing.

*Author's Note*
This was just a small chapter to give you a brief look into Erik's mind as well. Hope you enjoyed! Also, I am the worlds biggest procrastinator so I promise I will try to update once a week but that might not happen. As always, I appreciate your view and votes. Feel free to comment on or critique my work.