The Separation [ON HOLD]

Chapter Five

Junaid's heartbeats accelarated as he waited for news outside the labour room. His Fajr and Isha Salah were offered in the hospital. He had ushered Afeefa in the night before and it was morning already. Afeefa's mother had reached from Kannur an hour ago.

Inside the labour room, Afeefa felt suffocated with so many women screaming in pain and nurses hurrying about to attend to each one. She was sweating heavily but she could not feel any contractions. There were about three nurses around her along with the doctor. She was scared. Really really scared. It would've been good if Junaid could come in. But this is India. You couldn't expect a private labour room.

She was being told again and again to push. Push, my dear. Push with all your strength. The baby will come out only if you push hard.

You have to be strong, Afi. You have to do it. She kept telling herself.

She had known that giving birth is hard, but she didn't know it was this hard. The pain was one thing, but what she found even hard was the fact that no matter how hard she pushed, it still seemed to be not hard enough. She was terrified by all the screams echoing in the room. Scary thoughts of all kind whirled around in her mind and she felt her heart constrict with fear in her chest. Panic stricken she started reciting Ayatul Kursi in her mind, a habit she had since childhood. Before she could complete it, however, a wave of contractions began and she let out a loud cry of pain.

After a final hard push, Afeefa let out a loud scream and closed her eyes wearily. She wanted to take a look at her baby but she was so exhausted to even open her eyes.

* * *

Afeefa smiled as she extended her hands to hold her baby boy who was sleeping peacefully in Junaid's hands. It was then that she noted that Junaid's hands were trembling visibly.

"What's wrong?" She looked up at his face to find his eyes glistening with tears.

"Awww. Someone's getting emotional", Afeefa teased as she carefully took Yusuf in her hands.

"He's so tiny and cold," she mused, tracing a finger over his soft cheeks. "And he looks like your spitting image."

"Lips are yours, Afi. Exactly like yours,"
Junaid's voice cracked.

A loud sniff from the side drew Afeefa's attention to her mother who was furiously wiping away tears with a kerchief.

"Umma, why are you crying?" Afeefa started panicking. "Is something wrong with our baby?"

She looked at Junaid as he approached her and laid a hand on her shoulder.

"Yusuf is with Allah, Afi. He went to Jannah to welcome us there when we go."

Afeefa's eyes widened as she looked between her husband and her mother, waiting to hear that it's not true. Then she looked back at the baby lying in her arms, noticing for the first time that he was not breathing and that he was not showing any signs of life.

"He d-died??" The words somehow made the situation more tense and painful, coming from the mother holding her child for the first time.

"He was stillborn. The doctor realised the baby is not alive during the scan. She didn't inform you because you needed to be strong for the delivery, otherwise an operation would have been necessary. You were good, Afi, you did really great."

Junaid's words hung in the air as Afeefa stared at him for a really long time. She did not scream or cry or even sob. She just stared in a daze at whatever was in front of her. She stared as her baby was taken from her, mechanically kissing it's forehead when Junaid insisted. She stared as her close relatives came, offering sympathetic words and prayers. She stared when she was told that the burial is over, no janaza prayer as it is a stillborn baby. For hours, she simply stared.